Chapter 1: One

Apollo sat in the back of the bus, earbuds in, fingers drumming against his thigh to the rhythm of some random french song. The melody was soft, melancholic—exactly the kind of song that let his thoughts spiral.

It wasn’t like he meant to be this conflicted. Liking two people at once? That part was fine. He was poly. He knew that about himself. But who he liked? That was the part messing with his head.

Hailey was his best friend, had been since the beginning of Freshman year. She got him, listened when he ranted about his dad being an ass or when school felt unbearable. She laughed at his dumb jokes and never made him feel like he had to explain himself. But the thought of dating her made his stomach twist—not because he didn’t want to, but because what if?

What if dating her made people see him as just some straight guy? What if it erased everything he fought to be seen as? The idea of people dismissing him, treating him like he wasn’t really trans because he liked a girl—he hated it.

And then there was Sarah. She was quieter, kind in a way that didn’t demand attention. When she talked, it was usually something important, or something stupidly funny that caught him off guard. She was effortlessly cool, and it made him nervous in a way he didn’t know how to handle. But even if she made his heart stutter, he didn’t have the same history with her that he had with Hailey.

Dating was already terrifying. He didn’t need another disaster, another toxic mess that left him feeling like he wasn’t enough. He was still picking up pieces of himself from the last time.

His phone buzzed in his hoodie pocket. A text from Hailey 

Short homosexual: Hey, u ok? u seemed kinda quiet today

He stared at the screen, his heart doing this stupid little thing in his chest. It was easier when she just knew something was up without him having to say anything.

Apollo: Yea, jus thinking too much again

Short homosexual: When arent you? lmao

A small smile tugged at his lips, but it faded just as fast. Maybe he should just forget about the whole thing. Keep his feelings buried, avoid the risk of ruining what he had with either of them.

But wasn’t that just as bad? Wasn’t that still being afraid?

The bus pulled to a stop near his neighborhood. He let out a breath and stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder 

Apollo trudged down the sidewalk, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his hoodie. His house was still a few blocks away, but he wasn’t in a rush. Going home meant dealing with his dad, and the tension that always lingered there like a storm cloud waiting to break.

Instead, he let his mind wander back to Hailey and Sarah.

Maybe it was stupid to overthink this so much. People dated all the time without making it some huge identity crisis. But after everything—after fighting to be seen, after clawing his way toward even a shred of self-acceptance—he didn’t want to take steps backward.

His phone buzzed again. Another text. It was Sarah this time.

Tall pimp: u alive?
Apollo: physically? yeah. mentally? questionable.
Tall pimp: mood. wanna call?

His fingers hovered over the keyboard. He wanted to say yes. Wanted to hear her voice, maybe get lost in one of their weird, rambling conversations where she somehow convinced him that frogs were government spies or something equally ridiculous. But what if she could hear it in his voice? The nerves, the feelings, the way she made his brain short-circuit sometimes?

Instead, he typed: Can't, got hw. sorry :( Maybe later?

Three dots appeared, then disappeared.

Tall pimp: all good. don’t die of boredom.

He let out a breath.

Maybe he should just tell them—Hailey, Sarah, both of them. Maybe if he was honest about how he felt, things wouldn’t be as complicated as they seemed in his head.

But then again, what if it made everything worse?

What if Hailey didn’t like him like that? What if she did and people started treating him like he wasn’t really queer anymore?

What if Sarah laughed it off? Or worse—what if she pitted him, like so many others had when they found out about his last relationship? He didn’t need to be someone’s charity case. He didn’t need anyone to “fix” him.

He sighed, kicking a loose rock down the pavement.

Maybe he just wasn’t ready.

Or maybe he was just too scared.

Either way, tomorrow would come, and he’d still be Apollo—still a mess, still figuring himself out, still standing. Hopefully, anyways. 

The feelings sat inside Apollo like a stone at the bottom of his stomach—heavy, unmoving. He told himself he’d get over it, that it wasn’t a big deal, but every time Hailey laughed at one of his dumb jokes or Sarah leaned against the lockers next to him, effortlessly cool, the weight pressed harder.

Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into nights staring at his ceiling, music blasting in his ears to drown out the overthinking.

He wasn’t eating much. Didn’t feel like it. His stomach twisted in ways that weren’t just hunger, and every bite felt like forcing himself through a wall. Maybe it was stress. Maybe it was just him. Either way, the mirror was starting to make him feel weird again, so he avoided it.

It wasn’t until Hailey pulled him aside one afternoon, away from the crowded cafeteria, that he realized he wasn’t hiding it as well as he thought.

“You’ve been weird lately,” she said, arms crossed. Not accusing, just knowing.

Apollo leaned against the wall, tugging his hoodie sleeves over his hands. “I’m always weird.”

Hailey rolled her eyes but didn’t let up. “You know what I mean. You’re quieter. You space out more. And don’t even try to lie about the eating thing, ‘cause I see you. What’s up?”

His chest tightened. He wanted to say nothing, wanted to joke it off, but Hailey wasn’t the kind of person you could lie to easily. She saw through him too well.

He swallowed hard. “I… like someone. Two someones.”

Her expression softened. “Oh.”

“I don’t know what to do.” He exhaled sharply, staring at his shoes. “I.. don’t even know if it’s worth saying anything. Or if it even matters. It’s just—” He bit his lip. His throat felt tight. “It’s complicated.”

Hailey nodded slowly, like she knew there was more he wasn’t saying. “Yeah. Feelings usually are.”

He expected her to push, to ask who, but she didn’t. She just waited.

And Apollo—coward that he was—took the out.

“But anyway,” he forced a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck, “it’s probably stupid. I dunno. I’ll figure it out.”

For a second, she just looked at him. And then, without calling him out on it, she nodded. “Yeah. You will.”

The conversation shifted after that—Hailey cracked a joke about how she could totally set him up with some rando in gym class, and he laughed, grateful for the distraction. But later, when they parted ways, he caught her glancing at him like she knew. Like she saw the way he had deflected.

She didn’t push.

And somehow, that made it worse 

Apollo knew he was running himself into the ground. The late nights, the endless thoughts, the way food barely felt like an option anymore—it was all catching up to him. But knowing and fixing were two very different things.

He sat outside on the cracked concrete steps behind the school, his head resting against the cool brick wall. The last few minutes of lunch ticked by, students laughing and talking beyond the building’s corner, but he couldn’t bring himself to go back yet.

Then came the sound of footsteps, and before he even looked up, he knew who it was.

Sarah flopped down next to him, stretching her long legs out with a groan. “Dude, I swear to god, if I hear one more person complain about that stupid history test, I’m gonna lose my mind.”

Apollo huffed a quiet laugh. “Was it that bad?”

“Bro. I swear half of it wasn’t even in our notes.” She turned to him, raising an eyebrow. “You good? You look like you’re two seconds from falling asleep.”

“I am two seconds from falling asleep.”

Sarah smirked, nudging him with her knee. “Power nap right here. I’ll make sure no one draws dicks on your face.”

Apollo snorted, shaking his head. She always made things feel… lighter. Like the weight in his chest wasn’t so suffocating when she was around.

She yawned, stretching her arms above her head. “So, tell me something cool. Or stupid. I need a distraction.”

He thought for a second. “Did you know that crows remember faces?”

Sarah turned to him slowly, eyes narrowing. “Are you telling me a crow could hold a grudge against me?”

“Absolutely.”

She gasped dramatically. “Shit. I think I pissed one off last week.”

Apollo chuckled, but his heart ached a little. He wanted to stay here, in this easy moment, but the school day was ending soon, and then he’d have to go home.

And home… home was the last place he wanted to be.

The moment he stepped through the door, he felt it. The tension.

His dad was in the living room, half-watching TV, half-scrolling through his phone. He barely looked up as Apollo passed through.

“Where the hell have you been?” His voice was low, tired.

Apollo hesitated. “School.”

His dad scoffed. “Yeah, well, you should’ve been home earlier.”

Apollo didn’t argue. He never did anymore. Just swallowed it down and went straight to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

His breath hitched the second he was alone. His whole body shook as he pressed his back against the door and slid to the floor. The weight he’d been carrying all day crashed over him in full force, and before he could stop it, the tears spilled over.

He clenched his hands into his sleeves, pressing them against his face, as if hiding would somehow make it stop. His stomach twisted painfully—not just from hunger, but from the way he hated this. Hated how weak he felt, hated the way everything was crumbling inside him, hated how he couldn’t even talk to the people who mattered most.

A knock at the door made him flinch.

“Apollo?” His dad’s voice.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to steady his breathing. “Yeah?”

“You gonna be in there all night?”

His voice came out hoarse. “No.”

A pause. Then, his dad grumbled something under his breath and walked away.

Apollo stayed curled up on the floor, silent, waiting until he was sure no one would hear him.

Then he sobbed until there was nothing left. 

Apollo was still curled up on the bathroom floor when his phone buzzed in his pocket. At first, he ignored it. Probably nothing important. But when it buzzed again, something in him forced his shaking hands to pull it out.

Sarah.

His chest tightened. He hesitated, wiping his face roughly with his sleeves before answering. “H-Hey.”

“Oh shit, were you asleep?” Sarah asked, her voice casual, like this was just a normal call.

Apollo swallowed hard, trying to steady his breathing. “Uh… no.”

A pause. Then, “You okay?”

His grip on the phone tightened. He wanted to lie, to say yeah, I’m fine, but the words stuck in his throat. He couldn’t let her hear him like this.

Before he could figure out what to say, Sarah continued. “Anyway, I called for an extremely important reason.”

Apollo blinked. “Huh?”

“I did some research.” Her voice turned smug. “You know, about crows.”

A choked laugh almost escaped his throat. “You… researched crows?”

“Hell yeah, I did.”

Apollo sniffed, adjusting so he was sitting upright, still pressed against the door. “What’d you find?”

“Bro, listen to this. Crows hold grudges, right? But also, they give gifts to people they like. And by gifts, I mean the weirdest shit ever. Some girl in Seattle got a LEGO piece from one. A LEGO piece, dude.”

Apollo let out a small, shaky breath. “Damn. So if a crow likes me, I might just get a free LEGO set?”

“Exactly. So, if you ever see a crow dropping some random-ass object near you, just know you’ve got a tiny goth friend.”

Apollo’s lips twitched. He didn’t know if Sarah had heard something in his voice earlier, if she had somehow felt the weight pressing down on him, but… she was here.

She was here, and she was talking about crows.

And somehow, for just a moment, it made everything a little less unbearable.

He pressed the phone closer to his ear, letting her voice fill the empty space around him.