After All These Years

After All These Years

“She’s your sister. And she’s dying. If you don’t make peace now, you won’t get the chance again.” Meaghan’s father had made this plea several times over the past year, but this time his voice carried a new urgency. After a long moment, Meaghan replied, “I still haven’t forgiven her.”

“I think you’ll regret it if you don’t see her one last time. Maybe give her a chance to apologize.”

Meaghan felt her jaw clenching, the way it always did when she thought about her sister. Laura was her “Irish twin,” born just 11 months after Meaghan. Their parents thought they’d become best friends, but Laura made that impossible from the very beginning. A fussy baby, she demanded all the attention, while Meaghan learned to be quiet so their poor mother wouldn’t have any more problems. When Laura learned to talk, she aimed her sharpest words at her sister: Dummy. Ugly. Fatty. Then she giggled as Meaghan dissolved in tears.

As they grew, it became clear that Laura was right – she was the smarter, prettier, more athletic one. She liked to lord it over Meaghan, casually mentioning which boys in Meaghan’s class asked her out, invited her to parties, sat with her at lunch. Those same boys never paid any attention to Meaghan, and every year it got harder to pretend she didn’t care.

When Meaghan finally left home for college, she was overjoyed. At last she wouldn’t be compared to Laura anymore. But then what did Laura do? The next year, she chose a rival university close by and made a point of attending all the athletic competitions between their schools. Meaghan did her best to avoid her sister’s appearances, hiding in the library whenever Laura was around. Inevitably, though, someone would tell Meaghan, “Hey, I met your sister after the game. She’s cool!” Unlike you, is what Meaghan heard every time.

Yet their father seemed to think Laura deserved Meaghan’s sympathy now. “I’ll think about it, OK?” Meaghan sighed. “That’s the best I can do.”

When Meaghan set her phone down, her husband came to stand behind her and rub her shoulders. “You don’t have to, you know,” Tom said softly. “She hasn’t been part of your life for a long time. I don’t think it will do any good to see her now.” Tom knew the story well. When they were dating, he asked about her family. They’d been together a while before Meaghan felt comfortable enough to explain why she didn’t have anything to do with her sister. 

After graduating from college, Laura took off to backpack across Europe and two years later, she had yet to return. No one was sure where she was, but an occasional postcard assured her parents she was fine. 

Meanwhile, Meaghan was busy establishing her own life and enjoying not having Laura around. She had a great apartment, a job she loved, and a boyfriend she loved even more. When Meaghan brought Brian home to meet her parents, she was as happy as they’d ever seen her. He was handsome and smart and successful, and he seemed quite smitten with Meaghan. She confided that she expected him to propose soon, and her parents were eager to make a good impression in case they’d be welcoming him into the family.

Just as they sat down to dinner, the front door burst open. “Guess who’s home!” Almost unrecognizable with blond dreadlocks and a ruddy complexion, Laura ran into the dining room to throw her arms around her mother and father. Then she stood back, hands on hips, to look at Meaghan and Brian. With an arched eyebrow and sly grin, she said, “I guess I’ve been gone longer than I thought. Do I have a brother now?”

Meaghan immediately felt the chill as Laura’s shadow fell on her all over again. Laura’s makeup-free face, tight white jeans and sheer gauzy tank top combined to make her look more beautiful than ever. In contrast, Meaghan knew she was frumpy and plain, still dressed in the conservative business casual attire her job required and carrying about ten more pounds than she was when Laura left. 

Suddenly, Laura took center stage as she told story after story about her adventures. Skiing the Alps. Cheering bullfights in Spain. Sailing the Ionian Sea. Sleeping in an olive grove. Strolling by the Seine. She didn’t stop talking long enough to ask how her parents had been or what Meaghan was up to.  

Still, Meaghan took comfort in feeling Brian’s fingers intertwined with hers as he sat close to her on the sofa. He listened as Laura performed her anecdotes, pacing, dancing, jumping around the living room, basking in the spotlight. When Brian glanced at Meaghan to share an affectionate smile, Meaghan relaxed, knowing she and Brian would return to their own lives and she didn’t have to have anything to do with Laura if she didn’t want to. 

By the time the conversation wound down, however, it was late, and they had all consumed a lot of wine. Mom insisted that Meaghan and Brian should spend the night, that it wasn’t safe for them to drive home. “Brian can have Meaghan’s room,” she said. “You girls will sleep together in Laura’s room.”

“I’ll take the floor,” Laura offered. “I’m used to camping anyway.”

Lying awake, Meaghan listened to the familiar sounds of the house. The water running in her parents’ bathroom, the murmured good nights, the click of light switches, Laura shifting in her sleeping bag. It’s just one night, she told herself. We’ll leave first thing in the morning, and I don’t have to see her anymore.

When Meaghan opened her eyes a little while later, everything was quiet. With a devious smile, she slid out of bed and stepped quietly over Laura’s sleeping bag. Tiptoeing down the hall, she felt giddy with the naughtiness she was about to commit. Sure, she and Brian were sleeping together most nights anyway, but to do it under her parents’ roof? Teenage Meaghan would never have dared.

Suppressing a giggle, she opened the door to her old bedroom. She could just make out the lump under the comforter where Brian was sleeping. She peeled off the T-shirt she borrowed from Dad and brought her naked body up against Brian’s warm back. Bringing her lips to his neck for a surprise kiss, her cheek bumped up against dreadlocks.

Meaghan blocked out much of what happened next. Her hysterical shrieking woke her parents, who came running and figured out pretty quickly what happened. Somehow, she drove her parents’ car to a hotel, where she spent the rest of the night seething with anger and resentment. 

Brian must have driven himself home in the aftermath. Even the day he came to get his belongings from her apartment was a blur, her anger still so white hot that she could barely look at him. “If it makes any difference, I haven’t seen her since,” he tried to explain. “She laughed in my face after you left.”

“Of course she did.” Meaghan’s words dripped with derision. “It had nothing to do with you. She needed to destroy my happiness. You were just the best way to do that.”

Brian turned at the door to face her. “For the record, she destroyed our happiness.” 

Meaghan narrowed her eyes. “You have no idea.”

Months later, a mutual friend told Meaghan that Brian lost his job. “The managing partner at his firm got an anonymous tip saying Brian and his team were doing some sketchy stuff with some of their clients’ accounts,” her friend said. “He got fired and now none of the other firms in town will touch him.”

Meaghan muttered something about Brian doing sketchy stuff didn’t surprise her at all.

Every time Meaghan thought back to that night, she could still clearly envision Laura’s face. No embarrassment. No contrition. No regret. Just a serene smile and a slightly quizzical look. Sitting up in the bed, she didn’t even bother to cover her bare breasts. You can’t really be surprised, she seemed to be saying. There’s nothing you have that I can’t take.

That image of Laura’s face was burned into Meaghan’s memory because it was the last time she saw her sister. Nearly 25 years had passed, and they hadn’t spoken to each other since. Not when Meaghan married Tom. Not when their mother died. Not when Laura was diagnosed with cancer. 

Even though she asked him not to, Meaghan’s father provided periodic updates, never with good news. Today, his words were chilling: “You can’t keep thinking about it much longer. It’s a matter of days now.” When Meaghan didn’t respond, he went on, “Look, I’m not saying you don’t have every right to be angry, and you’re right that she should’ve been the one to apologize. But it’s been 25 years. Be the bigger person here. Before it’s too late.”

As Meaghan prepared to leave for the hospital, Tom tried one more time. “Really, sweetie, I’ll understand if you decide not to. I can’t see that any good will come of it.” 

He’s so loyal, Meaghan thought, studying Tom’s anxious face. He’s never even met Laura and he dislikes her almost as much as I do. “I’m doing this for Dad, not for her,” she explained before she kissed him good-bye.

Laura was lying in her hospital bed, eyes closed, skin waxy and yellow, what was left of her hair sprouting in gray tufts all over her head. If Meaghan hadn’t read the patient’s name on the door, she wouldn’t have known that was her sister. Dad looked up when Meaghan came in, his face breaking into a broad smile. Then he turned to pat Laura’s hand. “Your sister’s here,” he whispered. “I told you she’d come.”

He stood up and crossed the room to hug Meaghan. “I’m going to leave you alone,” he said. “I know there’s a lot you both want to say.”

“I just came to say goodbye,” Meaghan said. 

Dad sighed. “I’m going to leave anyway.”

Meaghan took the chair her father had been occupying. All the way to the hospital, she thought about what she would say at this moment, but no words came to her. Finally, she decided to repeat what she told her father. “Laura?” she said. When her sister turned her face toward the chair, Meaghan leaned in. “I came to say goodbye.”

Even in her weakened state, it seemed that Laura wore the same smug smile she always did when she looked at Meaghan. With great effort, she managed to say, “Brian.”

Meaghan didn’t know how to respond. Was she really going to apologize at last? Finally, she said, “Yes, that was a terrible thing you did to me. The reason we haven’t spoken all these years. Is there something you want to say about that night?”

Laura shook her head slowly. “No. Something else. Important.”

Meaghan’s heart began to pound. What else could be so important? As she leaned even closer, she was surprised to see that Laura still looked smug. “What?”

After Laura whispered his name, Meaghan wondered how she could have been so stupid. The signs had been there all along. Even this morning, as she left the house. 

Minutes later, the machines hooked up to Laura’s body began their urgent screeching and the nurses came running. Meaghan stepped back, hugging the pillow to her chest. She stayed out of the way, watching the nurses’ useless efforts to revive her sister. And when her father returned to the chaotic scene, she dropped the pillow on the chair, confident that even if there was a little blood or saliva on the pillowcase, no one would notice.

In her father’s embrace, Meaghan hid her face against his chest, knowing he would expect her to look sad. Soon, he would be the only family she had left, and since they would both be widowed, they would be closer than ever.