update!!!!!!

Alrighty now. Where shall I begin?

I am 25 now! When I created my account, I was 19 and when I wrote a lot of this stuff I was 16-18.

I have been in a relationship or 4 since this was created and I have lived a little bit since then... experienced love and loss, pain and anger. I have GROWN!

I am not mad and my past self. I do not regret the things I have said or done. However, I feel so bad for little 17-year-old me. 

At 17 years old you think you know everything. You truly believe that you have been taught everything life has to teach... 

But you don't know love until you have held your new born child. You don't know love until you are sitting at a bus station with your baby girl and her father and he is leaving you and all you want to do is break down and beg him to stay but you know he has to leave and asking him not to would cause him to resent you even more. So, you kiss him goodbye and let him have what he wants because it makes him happy. You don’t know pain until your 3-year-old baby girl is asking where her dad is and you have to say "Texas baby" and she asks is he still loves her; with tears in your eyes you say "yes of course baby" but you don’t know for sure. you don’t know loss until your best friend who you tell everything to commits suicide and you feel like a fucking idiot because all you ever did was complain about your life but never once asked how he was doing. ?you don’t know ?anger until you have pushed and pushed and pushed for happiness in your life and everybody keeps leaving you or taking advantage of your heart and you're not sure if you have anything left to give and somebody comes along and decided to mess with your mind... the only thing you have left. 

17-year-old me was immature. It’s been 5 years since I have cut and you know what? I don’t think about Zack until I am going through all my old stuff and I see something I wrote. I can’t help but laugh at all the times I said "I can’t live without him." Honey.... its fine... pull up your big girl panties and move the fuck on. he didn’t love you. he was 16 too... he just wanted to get laid that’s why he slept with your best friend cause you wouldn’t put out... 

so here I am 25 years old and single... sure I get lonely and yeah sometimes I have to take matters into my own hands sometimes but I lived without Zack and Bobby and Roman and Mikey and everybody else. 

17-year-old me.... I can't even begin to tell you everything you're going to go through... I'm sorry. It sucks but you have to do it. You will live. You even get to see how much better off you are without Zach and let me tell you now.... Bobby wasn’t worth it..... you’ll figure that out when you're 21... and just so you know..... Roman is a moron and try and stay away from Mikey... he's a loser.... but I am you and you won’t listen to anybody sooooo Good Luck. I'll see you on the other side.