I lied to him about having an abortion ????????????
And I’d do it again.
????????Because listening to her heartbeat is all I needed, to know that I did the right thing.
Moving out and leaving - I knew was the only way I was going to be able to give birth to Cahira. And not just leaving, but also lying.
Abortion Part I: Ch.
Abortion Part II: Ch.
We fought about it for weeks, until I saw no other option. I tried to reason with him in every way I could come up with. I told him:
• We don’t have to be together. I’ll move out and get my own place here so that we can co-parent. • You can be as much of a part of this pregnancy and baby as you want. • I won’t expect you to help
out financially - maybe just the first couple of years until I finish grad school and can get a position that’s more financially stable.
Etc. Etc. I gave him a list of options. And I was desperate because I knew there was a better way. I was willing to compromise at just about anything. I even offered to sign a contract with what we
agree on to give him some peace of mind.
I gave him the whole month to come around, but the threats and harassment only got worse. It was “my choice” until my choice wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He used every single tactic in the book
to scare me into it. ????Note: *Women (and men), COERCION IS ILLEGAL. Know your rights*
Because I wanted to be fair to him and give him a chance to be a part of this, I tried. I sat in a completely abusive environment hoping he’d overcome the initial shock we both experienced and
change his attitude...see things for the better. Not only did I want to be fair to him in the best way I could, but I would never want this for Cahira. I know first hand what it’s like not to have
a present father. In fact, it’s exactly why I’ve waited as long as I have to have kids. I ran away from it for years, in order to avoid the wrong environment ??
So trust me when I say this: it was a HUGE turn of events and mindset for me too. We both fucked up and got pregnant when neither one of us were ready in our relationship to. Neither one of us. I
remember thinking, “I didn’t wait this long to do it this way ????????, but I don’t agree that these reasons are good enough or justify an abortion.” We are 2 fully capable adults. The only option I knew
I was was: I had to let go of every ideal I had. More than anyone I know what it’s like to have these traditional ideals. I’ve committed my whole life to it.
Yes, we became that couple. Not married. Too soon. Unprepared. Etc. Etc. Was it ideal? No. Could I almost understand SOME of his arguments? Yes. But was that the best way? No. Since I met him, I
was very clear about where I stood in terms of abortions. But I tried to empathize anyway. And as I’ve mentioned before, I even tried convincing myself that an abortion was better.
But I knew it in my heart that it wasn’t. This wasn’t the only way. So I vowed to Cahira and myself that I wasn’t going to be impulsive; that this time, I would hear her first.
Because he’s an OB-GYN physician where we lived, it wasn’t until my 2nd trimester before I was able to hear her and go to an official prenatal visit. I was too scared. It was worth the patience and
the fight.
I could’ve chosen to be ashamed. Hateful. Regretful. But I chose to be happy. I never knew I was capable of committing myself completely to happiness in this way, but Cahira gave me the strength
to. She taught me how. I wish he would’ve allowed her to do the same for him.
Of course he was too much of a coward and selfish to drive me to the clinic. He left the wad of $1100 cash on the counter, like it was some kind of business deal. Since I couldn’t give it back to
him, I took it and paid for Leo to see a veterinary specialist in Fort Worth for everything he needed. That was the appointment I scheduled and we went to, instead of the 2nd appointment with the
abortion clinic. And every penny went to that office visit.
And I’d do this again too.
Never in a million years did I imagine being in this position.
I was depressed, I was scared, but by some miracle, I remained calm, proactive, and deliberate. I still think that was all Cahira. She shifted me into survival mode. After I told him I got the
abortion, I spent the following month packing and putting my things into storage. Also, without him knowing. And if you know anything about me, you know how hard it is for me to keep my mouth shut
and even pretend to be complacent ????????. Again, why it must’ve been Cahira keeping me level-headed and focused on the goal.
I was new to town, so I didn’t know anyone. It took me all month, a few boxes/day, whatever I could fit in my Jeep, but I got it done. For 2 reasons, I decided to quietly do this. 1. because I had
a feeling he was going to make it difficult once he found out exactly when I was leaving. And 2. Most importantly, I wanted to keep my sweet zoo safe when the day came. I needed both arms, all of
the space for them in my car, and the short amount of time I anticipated on having. I arranged to have the big furniture moved the day I planned to leave - luckily one of my childhood best friends
was able to help me with this.
Out of fear, I decided it was best that I didn’t tell him I was keeping the baby because at this point, I don’t know what he would've done had he known the truth. He only got worse as the time
progressed, so I told him I got one and left. Additionally, I didn’t want the stress while being pregnant. There’s too much at stake for the health of the baby and brain development. Therefore, in
spite of the amount of space I was able to put between us, it’s a secret I decided to hang onto for the remainder of my pregnancy.
To some of you, this may sound cold, maybe even immoral? But the minute he not only demanded that I have an abortion, but harassed and threatened me to do it, he stopped being a priority. I did
what I could to be fair to him. But the bottom line is: My priority is this baby, Cahira, not him. At the end of the day, this is most important. It always will be. There’s nothing I won’t do to
ensure that.
But why should the law be on our side? https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10161139774957580&id=503972579
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