Lance Decker Rock-Teacher Inservice

Lance Decker Rock woke up on Monday ready to enjoy the last of his three-day weekend. It was teacher in-service day so the kids had the day off.

He brushed his teeth and had his hot bath with the shower sprayer. He then got dressed and headed downstairs.

His mother Tina a part time community college instructor just finished making oatmeal with blueberries.

After they finished their breakfast Tina firmly said “dare I ask but what do you have planned today for your day off?”

Lance answered “hmm well I can’t use my phone until 5PM because dad said the time frame still applies.”

Lance put his finger up to his chin then said “I know, I’ll watch The Pissant Howard Show.”

Tina’s face lit up and she shouted “The Pissant Howard Show!”

“Yes” Lance replied with excitement.

When Lance turned on the television there were commercials and then a narrator shouted “It’s time for The Pissant Howard Show.”

“Good morning children my name is Pissant Howard. Today a subject I will discuss is expressing yourself. What are some ways to express ourselves? Here I have my assistant Pete Donahue. Hello Pete!”

Pete replied “hello Pissant!”

Pissant asked “what are some of the ways that we can express ourselves?”

Pete answered “I know” then he turned around and bent over. The camera moved in for a closeup and Pete farted loud.

Pissant replied “oh that was a loud smelly way to express yourself Pete.”

Lance started laughing and Tina said “Lance I think this show is garbage” and she shut it off with the remote control.

Lance responded “well Mister Rogers comes on at 4 o’clock on PBS. I hear King Friday is going build a bomb and blow up the neighborhood of make believe.”

Tina exhaled and told Lance to go out and play.

After Lance left the house Tina put on her morning shows starting with the local news.

“Hello, I’m Jean Glosson and this morning we’re kicking things off with a report on a new children’s show. The Pissant Howard Show is what it’s called and many parents say this show is not appropriate for children. Here’s a clip of the show.”

The news segment cuts to a clip of The Pissant Howard Show which shows the star of the show introduce himself.

“Hi kids it’s Pissant Howard and today we’re going to sing a song about talking naughty on the school bus. Let’s face it any grownup knows kids have been cussing on school buses since the 1950’s. Now I will sing about it.”

Pissant taps his foot three times then sings “we cuss on the school bus as the wheels go round and round. The fucking wheels go round and round. I must blow snot out of my nose.”

Pissant Howard blows his nose and the news goes back to Jean who says “wow that was not appropriate for children. Many parents are protesting.”

Two hours later Lance returned home.

“I played basketball with Tyrone. He beat me by three points. Then I came across Karen Colbert. She was crying because her cousin in Utah lost her job at Dennys. Her cousin told a customer ‘your server is in the restroom sitting on the toilet so I’ll take care of you from here on out.”

Lance laughed “while I think it’s funny poor Karen said ‘my cousin can be stupid but I feel bad for her.”

Lance continued laughing and asked “what’s for lunch?”

While Lance ate lunch his mother Tina told him about the news segment she saw. To say the least Lance was not happy about his favorite show being criticized.

6:00PM

Lance called David and when David picked up his phone he said “I’ve got a bone to pick with you little one. Last week the plumber came over to repair your kitchen sink and you took a picture of his fat ass.”

Lance replied “yep” and David told Lance “please don’t send pictures like that to Connie. My sister doesn’t want to see that shit.”

“I’m sorry” Lance said, then he asked “have you seen The Howard Pissant Show?”

David laughed and Lance laughed right along with him.

The End