I Falter

Lying under the black sky canvas
Speckled with white starry flecks and swirled with gray cloud smudges
I gaze heavenward bundled up in my hoodie
Keeping the night chill from sending shivers down my spine
Drinking down a platinum blue
My mind running a million miles an hour
Despite my attempts to keep the chill out
I shake in my core
Not from the night but from disappointment and shame
I was unsure what to do so I just took the easy way out
And now my heart and mind are heavy with guilt and dishonor
I didn't listen to my gut
I didn't listen to my soul
Now I lay here mentally pounding myself into the ground
It’s such a beautiful night
And yet I cannot enjoy natures beauty
I'm a better person than that
I'm not a thief
I'm not a low life
Why didn't I stand tall
Why didn't I keep my head held high
Instead I cowered
Letting my values take a back seat to unsurety
I will try to set things right in the morning
And take the punishment dealt to me for such weakness
I'll live
And I've learned
And I will never cower again
I will stand true to myself and keep my heart from such disgrace again
I am strong
I am amazing
So I shall act like it