Shit Bomb

The steering wheel shakes like a west coast quake, 

if I drive it faster than sixty miles per hour, 

and the cloud from the exhaust hides the cars behind me, 

choking every living thing in my rattling wake. 

The floorboard is wet because my windshield leaks, 

the carpet smells like a saturated dog. 

The headliner flaps like a cape and tickles my head, 

while the seat spring sodomizes my ass. 

The AC doesn’t work! Are you kidding me?

If I turn it on the engine will sputter and stall. 

Beat on the door and the window might roll down, 

then again the bitch might not go back up! 

The motor clicks and thumps under the hood, 

it sounds like a techno club if you listen. 

Three more payments and this baby is mine, 

Will it hold together that long? God help me! 

That asshole salesman gave me a special deal, 

put his arm around me because he liked me. 

Talked to the manager and got the pricing down, 

Free would have been too much for this heap! 

What’s that smell coming through the vents? 

Ah something new to add to the character! 

Maybe a dead mouse on the engine manifold, 

the little tree has nothing for cooked rodent! 

It pulls to left even when sitting still 

and I risk my life just driving in the rain. 

The wipers suck and often don’t work at all, 

I have to reach out and pull on them to get them going. 

An empty fuel tank can total the car, 

It’s a waste of water to wash it. 

Why bother changing the oil in this POS, 

when it using a quart every other day?

So what else can I say about my shit bomb? 

It’s ugly it, makes noise, and smells weird. 

But it gets you where you’re going they say, 

Yeah it does…well sometimes.