THE FINE ART OF THE GARAGE SALE

THE FINE ART OF THE GARAGE SALE

Summer is once again upon us, and with it comes the time-honored tradition of the heralded garage sale.

Now, while I freely admit to having frequented many garage sales over the years, even enjoying many of them, I will never again put myself through the travail of hosting one.

To start with the positive, the benefits of a day of garage sale shopping can be multi-faceted.

On a sunny day, the sheer pleasures of moving around outside can brighten the mood of even the most morose individual, sometimes even me.

 Who knows what rare treasure might be found in the most unlikely abode? What were the odds of that gnarly old man on 5th Street having a complete collection of leather-bound Agatha Christie novels at a giveaway price?

Not only is there a potential to find rare bargains, but garage sales also offer an interesting opportunity to see people in their most natural state; a Saturday morning rifling through other folks' cast-offs leaves people vulnerable to being "people-watched". People-watching can be as much fun as the actual search for great buys.

As carefree as it all looks to a novice, garage selling is a fine art, to say the least. For instance, you can't just set out for a day of shopping without having put in all the requisite work. Any veteran shopper will tell you that it requires a detailed plan. So, an organization nut such as myself should revel in this. Or so you would think.

The pre-planning stage starts a week before even thinking about actually going out on a quest. Newspapers must be gathered, and grouped into specific areas targeted. Then, the most efficient route must be drawn up. This is no easy task in itself since not all sales open at the same time. Some sales explicitly disallow early shopping. While some might not be offended by an early shopper banging on their garage door at 4 o'clock on Saturday morning hoping to be the first shopper, others might draw a pistol on the unwelcome early arrival.

So, you charted your course and agreed on which friend would accompany you on the big day. You've chosen the vehicle that affords the most room for gathered loot, while yet being easily navigated through congested neighborhoods and into tight parking spaces. You can't afford to be snarled in a traffic bind, or to not be able to find an advantageous parking spot.

If, on the much anticipated morning, you happen to be blessed with nice weather - life is good. If not, you'll have to have an umbrella, jacket, and any number of foul-weather garb at the ready.

So, here we go! The first stop, and we wheel right up the driveway. You find a treasure you feel you've lived far too long without. But, it would be unthinkable to just grab it and charge up to the proprietor with the asking price in hand. This brings us to the art of the negotiation process. While showing only casual interest in the item in question, it's proper etiquette to de-value an item by pointing out any flaws in offering to take the useless piece of junk off the owner's hands.

It's a well-known fact that marked prices are just a guideline for a starting price. The trick is to not offend the owner so severely with your first offer as to get you thrown off the property. You also absolutely do not want to "show your hand" by offering top money as a first offer. Allow room for counter-offering. Always remain calm.

Unfortunately, vultures lurk behind each distressed four-drawer chest at any given sale. It is imperative that you keep an eye peeled for someone unscrupulous enough to swoop in and offer to pay full price while you're haggling.

Assuming you are able to strike an agreeable deal, you must remember this is only the first stop of the day. Are you leaving sufficient room in your vehicle for all purchases you might accumulate throughout the day?

As you can see, you don't just embark on the garage sale trail without having done your due diligence in preparation. But, this all seems to be part of the thrill and attraction of a day on the garage sale circuit.

While I've not even addressed all the competitive shoppers, including the ever-present resellers, who buy up garage sale items on "the cheap" with intentions of reselling them at their own future sale or in their thrift shop. Beware of the reseller at all costs, as they are wiley characters indeed!

But, I need to spend a few moments thinking of the individuals who open themselves up to the intense punishment of hosting a garage sale. This requires months of planning, as well as an extremely strong will.

Merchandise must be gathered, permits secured, advertisements placed, help from friends or family garnered, and tables set up. A desirable neighborhood greatly enhances chances of success, as potential buyers know better neighborhoods translate to better merchandise. A large driveway with an equally accessible garage is much desired. The concept behind hosting a sale is apparently to rid oneself of an overabundance of accumulated clutter. These items need to be identified and readied for sale.

It takes an inordinate amount of time to decide on the appropriate price, mark it with a tag, and display it prominently; all the while not using too much valuable space.

The fallacy of this thinking is in the fact that most people who operate garage sales are also hopelessly addicted to shopping at the sales of others, thus creating a vicious circle of eliminating unwanted items, only to replace them with other less-unwanted items the following week from sales shopped.

I have learned from experience years ago, that I am not one who is designed for hosting these sales. You see, after I've decided to part with my once-upon-a-time treasures and agonized over what I deemed to be just the right price, I don't take kindly to someone questioning my judgment and belittling my merchandise. On more than one occasion, it nearly became necessary that I was physically restrained from showing a prospective buyer just how good the condition of my seldom-used axe was, by chasing him down the driveway with it.

I did learn from that incident, that the other shoppers quickly understood my prices were firm. To this day, I still have no idea why several chose to leave without buying shortly after the axe discussion. Oh well, I'm not sure I wanted to part with some of that stuff after all.

If you'd like to be placed on my garage sale notification list, just reply to this message with your name, address, and blood type. All sales are final, you understand, and prices are firm!

Maybe I'll see some of you on the garage sale trail this summer. Not likely, though.

Well, I need to go chop some wood now - as soon as I find my axe.