Chapter 6: Chapter 6: Cyberbullying and Isolation

One of the teachers told us to take a seat. All three of us sat together. We saw a few familiar faces from primary school, and they came and sat in the same row as us. A teacher took us to the stage a few rows before us. He lectured the assembly hall on the expectations of being a year 7. He was strict, and his voice boomed across the hall. I sat listening nervously as he listed out the school rules.

The principal school rule was a ban on mobile phones. The whole of the assembly groaned and moaned as he said this. The teacher called for silence and gave another lecture about social media and how it has destroyed learning in the classroom. We were told that if we had our mobile phones in school, they would be confiscated, and only our caregivers would be allowed to collect them. This made everyone moan with annoyance. I felt particularly annoyed as I needed to use my phone to interact with my account users. I sat slumped in the chair, already feeling like I wished I was in primary school. At least I had my friends, I thought. That was soon taken from me as we were put into different form classes.

I was separated from Megan and Ellie May. They were both together in their classes. I felt upset as I followed my new class to our new classroom. I entered the classroom and sat near the back of the class. A girl with straight blond hair came and sat next to me. She introduced herself as ‘Sarah’ and became excitable when I told her my name.

“Are you Ruth from Instagram? I thought I had seen your face before?” Sarah excitedly said.

“Yes, I am”, I proudly said back to her.

“Oh wow! This is the best school if you are here!” she joyously exclaimed.

We started talking about the skincare product I had been promoting when the teacher came into the classroom and demanded that everyone be silent. We did as we were told. After the lesson ended, Sarah and I went to our classes together, and we had much in common. At lunchtime, I spent time with Sarah and some other girls we became friends with during our science lesson. We spent the lunch break discussing skin and hair products and all the new cosmetics ranges in the high street shops. I felt like my new friends understood me and my account. They even gave me tips for my next new video. I didn’t see Megan or Ellie May until the end of the school day. They were both standing near the school gates. I walked over to them with Sarah. They both looked surprised to see someone new.

“Hi, I’m Sarah,” she said.

“Hi,” said Megan with a tone of voice. I didn’t understand why she answered like that.

“Hey, I’m Ellie May,” she answered in a friendly tone, which made me wonder about Megan.

“I have to go and get my bus,” Megan said crossly. Now I knew she was in a mood.

“I come with you”, happily said Ellie-May.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” I eagerly said. Ellie-May smiled to acknowledge me, but Megan just huffed off. I was puzzled by her behaviour. I didn’t know what I had done to upset her, and Sarah could see that I was looking upset.

“I wouldn’t worry about her; people make new friends. I think she was jealous,” said Sarah.

I didn’t want Megan to be jealous, but I knew she was envious of the Instagram account. I thought maybe she, too, would be jealous that I had made new school friends. Sarah saw her mum pulling into the school drop-off area, so she said ‘bye’ and went off to get her lift home. It wasn’t long before my mum arrived to collect me, and I was soon home.

When I arrived home, I helped my mum prepare dinner. After dinner, I went to my bedroom to work on my latest video. I had lots of follower requests. I noticed one of them was from Sarah. I accepted the request. Instantly, she sent me a direct message.

‘???? Hey!! ????????” – @sarah.sweetbells

“????Hey!!!????????” I sent back.

“Do you want to make a video together sometime?? ?? “ @sarah.sweetbells.

“That would be so cool” I replied.

“come to mine after school ???? tomorrow ????????” @sarah. sweetbells.

“Ok ????????????” I sent to her.

I felt thrilled to have someone want to join in the videos. Megan and Ellie-May had not seemed interested in making them with me. Sarah was different. I was glad to have met her. I finished making my video and uploaded it. I went to bed that night feeling happy and excited.

The next day after school, Mrs McGuinness, Sarah’s mother, collected us both from school and drove us to Sarah’s house. Sarah lived in a village outside of our town. She lived in a big house, which must have been three sizes bigger than mine. I followed her through the front door and into the hallway. There was a smell of something being baked in the oven.

“Would you two like anything to drink?” asked Mrs McGuinness as she hurried into the kitchen.

Sarah asked me if I wanted a drink. I shook my head to say no.

“No, we are going to go to my room,” Sarah said to her mother.

I followed Sarah through the house, and we came to her bedroom. Her bedroom was the size of my living room and kitchen combined. She had an en-suite. Her desk was equipped with the latest equipment for making and editing videos. Her bedroom was furnished like an Ikea showroom, decorated in the palest, cosiest pink pastel colours. I could only wish for a bedroom like that. I thought Sarah was lucky to have a bedroom like this.

We started to work on making the video. I found it much easier to plan and create as Sarah had recording tools and editing software, so the video was made quickly. I uploaded the video to my account, and it instantly began receiving likes and comments. We were reading the comments when Sarah’s mother called us down for dinner. I followed Sarah to the dining room. The dining table had been set like we were eating at a restaurant. I felt a little out of place as I took my seat. Mrs McGuiness brought through a homemade chicken pie.

The dinner was delicious. I had just finished what was on my plate when Sarah stood up from the table and gestured that I do the same. Sarah was not asked to clear the table or do the dishes. I hesitated as I stood up to follow Sarah; I was used to helping clear up after dinner at home. I thanked Mrs McGuiness for the lovely dinner. Then, I followed Sarah back to her bedroom to make another video. I had fun making the video with Sarah. When we had made it, it was time for my mum to pick me up. I told Sarah I would upload the video when I got home that evening. I left Sarah’s house thinking I was lucky to have her as a friend.

When I got home, I did as I said and uploaded the video. I started to receive notifications that the video was receiving Likes, and comments were pouring in. I read them.

“???????????? love you” @smiles&candy

“????????????????” @lucywebs

“Your so cute ???? ???? ????” @Jennetwalkers

“I wish I was you ????????” @siobhanpooles

“You make the best videos ??????????????” @butterfliesflowers

“You’re the best ???? ???? ????” @ballonsballetpinks

“I want to be you ????????????????????” @rainbowstars

“Add me ????????????????” @darrenblueseyes

“I ??????????” @fairywings

“Your beautiful ???? ????” @katiejones

“You are the best influencer ????????” @Traceybarkers

The comments were all positive, and I felt I could make even better videos if I made them at Sarah’s house. I went to bed that night thinking I was glad to have made a new friend.

At school the next day, everyone in my classes talked about the video I had made with Sarah. Some of the girls were asking if I would make videos with them. I had been asked to go to someone’s house each night of that week. I loved the popularity. At lunchtime, I was sitting in a large group. Everyone was planning when I could come to their house to make videos. By the time lunchtime was finished, I had nearly two weeks of plans. It was exciting to have so many new people who wanted me to be their friend. I left school feeling happy.

That evening, I began to receive strange messages from Megan in the group chat.

“Guess our friendship never meant anything to you!” – Megan sent.

I held my phone, staring at the screen. I didn’t understand why she had sent that.

“What are you talking about?” I sent it back to her. I was feeling annoyed and upset.

“ Your new friends! You don’t want to be friends with us,”- Megan said.

“You're being ridiculous. You’re jealous of me” I hesitated to send the message but was angry. I hit the send button. I could feel the anger boiling up inside of me. I am allowed to have other friends, I thought as I stared at the phone screen, waiting for her response.

“You are such a spoilt bitch; I am not jealous of you! Who would be? You have a big nose and funny-shaped nostrils  - Megan sent.

“ - Ellie May sent.

I looked at both messages, the cruel words from Megan but the laughing faces from Ellie -May that hurt like I had been stabbed by a bramble thorn right through the skin. I burst out crying; I couldn’t hold it back. The notification bell started to ding. I wiped away my tears. It was comments on my Instagram account. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Don’t trust this Nob @Megan-roses-sweet”.

“She is a Freak, @queenbeestarlight”.

“Emo Bitch” @beautylooks”.

“Her nose is so big like Pinocchio ???? @flowerspowers

“She should get a nose job before she sells beauty products  @BeccyLomes

“Cancel her @Misslittlesmiles”

“Basic @Demimchyter”

“Her videos are so cringe @racheljones.”

“You are such a wannabe. It is pathetic, @Jennyrodgers.”

“You’re a total fail, just stop @princessstars.”

“No one likes you, loser, go cry about it ????@jessemchillbrough

I stared at my phone in disbelief. What was happening? This couldn’t be real. This had to be a nightmare. The notifications rang, and comment after comment kept coming through on my phone. Each one is as nasty as the one before it. I felt numb. I hid the phone under my bed pillow. The notification bell was muffled but was still ringing out. It was strange, but I wanted to see the comments. I had to know what was being said about me. I took the phone back out from under the pillow. I held it in front of me.

The screen showed I had over a hundred unread comments. I opened the platform site and read each one of the vile comments that people were posting about me. I felt utterly depressed by the time I had finished. I had cried all the tears that I was able to. I didn’t even know someone could cry for that amount of time. My throat was sore, and I had a migraine. I didn’t want to go downstairs to get a glass of water as my mum would see me and ask what was happening. I didn’t want to tell her as she would take my phone away. I was not too fond of that happening as much as the comments hurt. I didn’t want to have my phone. This was all Megan's doing, and I lay in bed thinking about what I would say to her when I saw her the next day in school. I lay there fizzing with rage, thinking how she could sabotage my account like that. All because she was jealous of me. I would never be her friend or Ellie–May’s after this. I went to the group chat and blocked them both from my phone, which calmed me down. I thought I had better sleep, but it was the middle of the night. I was worn out.

The following day, I went to school in a furious mood. My mum went to drop me off at the bus stop, and I told her not to. I asked her to take me to the drop-off area. My mum looked puzzled as we drove past the bus stop. She dropped me at the drop point. I got out of the car and saw Sarah and a few others waving frantically in my direction. I hurried towards them. Sarah hugged me, and I burst out crying, surprised I had tears left. When I pulled away from her, all four girls looked sympathetic towards me.

“I can’t believe you were trolled like that,” said Sarah.

“It was unbelievable,” said one of the other girls.

“I know who started the trolling. It was Megan and Ellie-May!” I angrily exclaimed.

“What are you going to do about it?” asked Sarah.

“I am going to confront them both at lunchtime,” I said.

The school bell rang out to start classes. I went to my lessons but could not concentrate on the classwork as I thought about what I would say to Megan.

It was soon lunchtime, and a rumour had gone around the year group that morning that I was going to a confrontation with Megan, so a crown had built up at the back of the canteen. I saw Megan in the crowd of people. They allowed me to pass, so I stood before her. She gave me a sideways stare and then looked away.

“Who do you think you are? Writing stuff like that about me on social media!” I shouted.

“You think you're so special! Seeing the truth written about you for a change was a shock!” Megan shouted back at me.

“The truth! None of that was true! You're jealous of me! You're jealous because I have more friends than you! I held back the tears as I couldn’t believe this was happening. I could see Ellie–May was looking rather upset. Megan began to cry.

“You’re a nasty cow, Ruth” Megan sobbed.

“I didn’t start any of this; I don’t understand why we are arguing,” I tell her.

“I thought we were best friends, and you turned on us. You’ll regret this!” cried Megan.

Then she and Ellie-May broke away from the crowd. Sarah came over to me and hugged me. The rest of the girls huddled around me. Each was saying that I didn’t deserve what Megan was doing. They all were being so kind to me. I thought I didn’t need my old friends. I had new ones. We spent the lunch break discussing that I needed to move on past the trolls, and I had to make a new video that night to show that I wasn’t bothered by the trolling.

I hadn’t wanted to make another video. I didn’t want to go back to the site. It was painful to think of all the negative comments I had received. But the girls explained that hiding away from it meant I was letting the trolls get to me. I had to learn to ignore them. I thought that was easier said than done. I did feel that the girls were right. I enjoyed making the videos and from the hundreds of troll comments I did get. I also got many positive comments only when I ignored them and only read the negative ones. I felt the negative ones were the truth, and the positives were feeling sorry for me.

The rest of the day went by. I was soon home and, in my room, wondering if I should upload a new video. I thought Sarah and the others were right. Why should I give up something that I liked doing? I decided to record a video on a new skin moisturiser. I was in the middle of recording when my phone started to ring. It was a phone call. No one ever calls. The screen stated it was Sarah. I answered.

“Umm, hey, so I thought I would ring you. Megan uploaded a video of you as well, and she airdropped it. So, you know, everyone has seen it,” she exclaimed.

“What video?” I said hesitantly.

“Well, basically, it’s well, you know, it’s embarrassing you. I think you are at a sleepover,” Sarah awkwardly said.

I knew instantly what video it was. How was that on video? How could they share that with the whole school? I was mortified. Sarah went silent on the other end of the call. After a few moments, the phone line cut off. I sat there for a minute, not realising what was happening. I then went to speak to Sarah and realised she was no longer on the line. I pressed return call on my screen, but the number made a funny noise, and the call ended. I went to the group chat and saw that I had been removed. I tried to message Sarah, but she had been blocked. I didn’t understand why she would block me. What had I done to her? I needed to see the video that had been posted, but I couldn’t because I had blocked Megan. I knew she would have blocked me, too, so accessing it from her socials was pointless. I felt isolated and vulnerable as I didn’t know what was on that video of me.

I opened my social platform. I had been tagged in the video, so thousands of followers had seen the embarrassing video. The video was from the last night at a primary school sleepover where I had had my incident of wetting myself. It had been caught on video as we were making dance reels. It had been viewed over 100k times. I wanted the floor to open and swallow me whole. Over a hundred thousand people had witnessed that.

I had no idea that someone could tag you in a video. I did not know that video could be spread around like that. I had no idea how I was going to stop the video. I had no idea how I would ever be able to leave my bedroom again. The shame of the video being seen by so many people, and then there were the comments. There were hundreds of them all laughing at me, all laughing at my shame and embarrassment, and I did not know what to do. I began to read through the comments. I needed to understand what was being said about me.

“Imagine not having self-control @missstarsandhopes”

“Loser! ????@dogsandrants”

“No one will ever forget this. Your ruined ????????@darrenpollacks”

“So glad I’m not you right now ????@sillysisters.”

“What a freak! No wonder you do not have any friends! @benandjerries”

“Lol, your life is over after this, @rileythehoodboy.”

“Who knew someone could be this pathetic ????@missdarlingsflowers

“Haha, you’re a total joke ????????????@queenbeauty.”

“This is the funniest thing I have ever seen. You are such a loser! ????@nickmicheals”

“You are a total fail ????@joshuajonese

I wanted to die. I sat there staring at the phone screen with all these nasty comments. The notification bell kept on ringing out. I finally pressed the power button on the phone. The phone was switched off. The room fell into complete silence. I could feel the warm tears running down my cheeks. The overwhelming hurt that I was feeling made me feel paralysed by all emotions. I had no idea what was happening to me. I sat there on the end of the bed.