A Beautiful Day

It’s sunny outside,

the birds trace pretty shapes in the sky.

Little children run out to play, 

It’s a beautiful day—

and I hate it.

I long for clouds, for muted gray,

any excuse to keep me to stay. 

Rain would grant me permission to hide,

to curl in the silence I try to hide 

Today, I don’t want to fight or pretend,

to wrestle the demons that sometimes descend.

Today, I want to let those demons win, 

I don’t have the strength to fake a grin.

It feels wrong to be sad on a day so bright,

when the world hums with effortless light.

They laugh, they shine, they call me to try—

but my smile feels like a untold lie.

I’m sad, depressed, and tangled in stress,

while others seem happy, unburdened and blessed.

I’m glad for them—truly, I am—

or at least I try.

Jealousy tugs at me, asking me why?

Why does their joy feel so easy, so free?

How is it fair for them to shine,

to wear their smiles, while I search for mine. 

I’m stuck in this battle, weary and lost,

paying a price I can’t count the cost.