Praise

I have been told that our bodies warn us that someone is bad. However I can feel my mind sink inside the invisible claws of the devil. I am blinded by the consistent eye contact he gives me. It is the first time I have ever felt seen, and not paralyzed by the decisions forced upon me. Or confused by other people’s intentions. The pastor repeats to his congregation “Loneliness is the forbidden sin of mankind. Its power blinds us in the never ending struggle between God and the Devil. The forbidden price of finding oneself and expressing our desires. We are forced to leave our minds to the world everyday. People who follow the devil conceal their monstrous feelings. They unseal these feelings with their minds so that we can gut them with our mouths. Our tongues have been bathed in their hellfire while our minds dance between the choice of heaven or hell. Only when we gut our monsters can we use the gifts that the Lord has given us. And we can amplify our lives in his name.” 

 The congregation stands clapping. “Praise Jesus”, “Hallelujah”, “We live to serve the name of the Lord”. In a dramatic attempt to silence the crowd the pastor rolls his eyes to the back of his head, using his hands to cover his face. “I can hear the Lord right now” he bellows. The crowd goes silent urgently awaiting for the pastor to speak. But before he does his body goes limp and cold. The congregation begins to hold hands circling their bodies around him. Just as we were taught. This is the moment our lives have been leading up to. All the ice baths, the repetitions of the gospels, and the taunts from the guards have made this all for a reason. Our spirits have been chosen to lead the pastor to our destiny. In this remote place we find ourselves blessed to hear the word of the Lord. The pastor leaps pointing to his guard “Bring her here I say, Bring her here right now” he roars. 

Everyone clenches each other’s hands even tighter, holding their breath anxious for our next mission. “My children gather around. I see that someone has betrayed us.” We all gasp unaware of who could take advantage of our leader. “Quickly, children make way so that you all can see first hand who it is.” We all turn around and see from the shadows a woman dressed in blue make her way to the pastor. She slowly unveils her hood and the congregation gasps in union. “Come to me my Isabelle, come to me so I can show you what you have started.” Isabelle looks into the crowd with pity throwing fruits at us. Which none of us dare to touch because the pastor has decided to keep us on a strict diet of sugar water and bread with butter. Isabelle turns towards the pastor and tells him “You may hide me but my tongue will outlive any lies you have ever told. I would rather be forgotten than to ever live with the pain of being your wife.” She throws her wedding ring across the bell making the crows ominously caw. To everyone’s surprise the pastor remains calm and turns to his congregation. “Looks like we’ve been tested again and you know what we do to those who test us. We leave them behind isolated so that their hellfire lies can no longer harm us.” We turn our backs towards Isabelle anxiously wondering when we would ever hear what the Lord told our pastor.