I don’t watch animation. I don’t have kids.

“Wanna watch the new Ghibli movie?”

“Who’s Ghibli?”

“Not a who, a what. It’s a Japanese animation studio.”

“Ugh, I don’t watch animation. I don’t have kids.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say Ghibli movies are necessarily for kids. They deal with some pretty adult themes.”

“The Lion King deals with some pretty adult themes, and that movie’s for kids.”

“What adult themes does The Lion King deal with?”

“Hello? Death? Fratricide? Incest?”

“Incest??? I don’t remember that in The Lion King!”

“Uh, in the subtext, obviously. There’s one guy and a bunch of females. Simba and Nala are unmistakably half-siblings.”

“Okay, that’s insane, but also just proves what I’m saying is right. Animation can have some pretty heavy topics, so it’s clearly not just for kids. Don’t tell me you can’t watch The Lion King as an adult and not enjoy it.”

“I’d only enjoy it because I enjoyed it as a child. Watching new animation after going through puberty is painstakingly boring. Also, I hate musicals.”

“Not all animation are musicals either! Studio Ghibli has never made a musical.”

“All right, well I don’t feel like watching some weird Japanese porn with you either.”

“Oh my god! Not all anime is porn! How do you go from one extreme to the other???”

“I don’t like cartoons, all right? I don’t feel like watching the adventures of some bunny rabbit and friends.”

“Ugh, obviously not all animation is about animals, either.”

“What’s this one about then?”

“Uh… it’s called the Boy and the… Heron…”

“So, it’s about a heron?”

“No, not exactly. It’s about World War II. You love war movies!”

“Do the boy and the heron fight in World War II?”

“No, the boy goes to a fairy land to rescue his pregnant stepmother.”

“With a heron?”

“No! I mean yes, the heron’s like his guide. And he has to fight an army to get his stepmom back.”

“Like the U.S. army?”

“No… parakeets.”

“I’m not watching this fucking movie, dude.”

“Well you’re missing out! This movie won an Oscar!”

“So did Crash, and that movie sucks balls.”

“… Okay, fair enough.”

“Well at least we can agree on one thing.”