Chapter 37: (v.2) The End, And Not The End!

He woke up on the bus while returning from the university. “Oh no, I overslept two stops!” he said half-asleep, realizing he now had to walk to get home. He then called the Teacher and said, “Alright,” he said with a weak voice, “I am done with the dissertation!”

“How did the presentation go?” the Teacher asked. “Everything okay?”

“I was completely drowsy and barely made it, but they still gave me a good grade!”

“Congratulations!” the Teacher said jovially, “you suffered but in the end you triumphed! You are now a graduate! I wish you even higher success!”

“Is the army considered a higher success?”

“The army is a necessary evil,” the Teacher replied, “and truth be told, you will be a lot more prepared when you leave there. So, for that also, to even higher successes!”

“Anyway,” Christos said, “I think now it is time to drop dead on my bed. I sat for five days in front of the computer, literally without sleep and taking only breaks for eating! The most paradoxical thing of all is that while I thought I would become addicted to computers and gaming, now I don’t even want to hear about technology! I feel I became sick of computers for good!”

“You ate the spoiled soup until, in the end you, got sick of it and spat it out. Yes, this adventure came out good for you! Now you are done with your computer issue, once and for all!”

“Let it be so, I will stay the next days in Thessaloniki for the graduation ceremony and then I will return to Aleksandroupoli for the summer!”

“Your parents won’t honor you with their presence I suppose?”

“Nah, I don’t think so, they said they are busy. . .”

“As always, they don’t mean to get unstuck from the must,” the Teacher said, “but don’t worry Christos, at least you learned to do what you want!”

“With what cost!” Christos said, “they would leave me with fifty euros for the whole month, while I had to finish my thesis! Thank god you lend me some money and so I could live decently!”

“This is what friends are for,” the Teacher said, “but don’t misunderstand your parents. They are frightened people, and when a frightened person is threatened, either it runs away, either it attacks. Your parents chose to do the second!”

“I guess because they like to control with their money!” Christos said.

“This is how all the parents control their children and they take away their energy as well, by being unfair. You should look to go forward and when you become independent and make your own money, you can cut your umbilical cord!”

“And what job could I get in Greece as a physicist? My future seems uncertain! I have started to become confused in that part as well and I wonder, should I pursue an academic career after the army, or should I do something else?”

“The army will help you decide,” said the Teacher. “A good thing about the army is that it helps you mature!”

“And why does that happen?”

“Because you will meet people from many different social layers,” the Teacher said, “up until now, you attracted only those around your social class. Inside the army you will see society in all its spectrum!”

“That sounds interesting,” Christos admitted, “but still, I’m not in a rush to go. . .”

“Okay then,” the Teacher laughed, “so make this summer be the best summer you can and see that you have a very-very good time!”

“Only one thing makes me disappointed,” Christos said.

“And what is that?”

“If I don’t find a girlfriend this summer, then I know that for at least one year I won’t have a girlfriend, since I will be enclosed in a frickin’ outpost!”

“It’s up to you to make it happen!” the Teacher said. “If you find a girlfriend, great. If not, that's okay too!”

***

The days until the graduation passed smoothly. Michalis left the flat a few days before Christos made his presentation, he rented an apartment near his workplace and he and his girlfriend would live together. At least from that perspective, Christos didn’t have any more static in his mind.

The graduation event occurred and Christos received his degree. As he prepared to book a ticket for Aleksandroupoli, the familiar SMS tone sounded from his mobile.

“How’s it going bro?” the SMS said.

Artemis, his friend from the filmmaking club asked him to hang out so they could catch up. Christos decided not to book the ticket but to stay instead in Thessaloniki, since as a last summer before the army, he wanted to have a good time.

“How long are you planning to stay in Thessaloniki?” asked the Teacher when Christos told him about his decision.

“I don’t know,” he replied, “as long as it takes!”

“As long as it takes for what?” the Teacher asked.

“To find a girlfriend!”

“I wish you then good luck,” the Teacher replied, “however, I sincerely hope that you don’t do this to punish your parents, no?”

“No,” Christos replied, “I don’t concern myself anymore with them. That’s what they know, that’s what they do!”

“That’s the spirit!” said the Teacher cheerily. “That’s what I want to hear!”

“And to find a girlfriend, it is more probable to happen here in Thessaloniki than in Aleksandroupoli, because there are more opportunities here!”

“Fine then, Christos,” the Teacher said, “you know better!”

Not leaving a moment to waste, Christos went out the same day with Artemis, who as always maintained a friendly disposition and as always, female entities orbited him.

“This time, I will succeed in having a relationship with one of them!” Christos thought decisively.

However, a week passed and regardless of all the attempts of Christos to be pleasant with the girls, still nothing happened with any of them.

“But why do I have no results?” asked Christos the Teacher disappointed.

“Because you still fear!” the Teacher replied.

“Still fear?” asked Christos even more disappointed. “But I have improved my skills even more! I can attract girls, but the last moment. . .”

“What happens?” the Teacher asked.

“We always go out and we change environments and I can’t focus!”

“You are still affected substantially by the environment,” the Teacher diagnosed, “I guess there must be some remainder from agoraphobia and from the fear of the unknown!”

“I thought I was through with those issues!” said Christos who got angry with the thought of facing his old habits.

“Sometimes,” the Teacher said, “happens what we call regression. Where you think you have overcome a negative behavioral pattern and you believe that everything is past, suddenly the problem appears to you again as if it’s new! It likens to the mules that for so many years have learnt to carry supplies, following a certain path. Even if you try to change their path, they are used to the old one and they eventually end up using it again!”

“How can I avoid something like this?” Christos asked, wanting to get rid of these phobias once and for all.

“You will continue your effort, just as you did before! Fear doesn’t last long in front of persistence!”

Thus, Christos persisted, continuing to hang out with Artemis, and his jovial attitude, resulted in Artemis’ friends wanting him around them as well and to invite him to the island Io that they planned a camping for the next days!

“Go! Go!” the Teacher urged Christos. “It is a very good opportunity to find a girlfriend, as there will be many girls there looking for a boyfriend, and as you will have your own tent!”

“The way I see it is that maybe in the army we go for camping drills, so to meet many strangers together will be a good preparation!”

“That’s right,” the Teacher said, “although I would suggest you think the possibility of finding a girlfriend, so that it is set in your mind as the present goal. When the time comes to enter the army, then you can think about the army!”

So, Christos attended the camping that would last for five days. He never exposed himself in his life to so many strangers and the remnants of the fear of the unknown made it difficult for him to move.

“Fear is driving me mad in this place!” said Christos worried. “What should I do?”

“This is the first time you attempt something like this,” the Teacher said, “to expose yourself to people so openly! For so much time you hid in your shell, now you start to come out! Don’t give up know, I don’t allow you to!”

Christos persisted as the Teacher suggested and he began to meet the strangers, until finally after three days, he had met enough to be able to move inside the camping with ease. Agoraphobia and the fear of the unknown became reduced to an even higher degree.

“That’s a good thing to hear,” the Teacher said, “that your fear is almost gone! Did you find any girl by the way?”

“No!” Christos said, clearly disappointed. “Everybody seems to not prefer me and they don’t call me to go with them! They don’t want me in their company!”

“Christos,” the Teacher said, “this self-doubt of yours must stop!”

“Self-doubt?” Christos asked, perplexed.

“Yes, self-doubt!” the Teacher laughed. “And even more; you doubt everything and everybody, including me! But mostly yourself, because doubt begins from within!” He then said, “Be careful Christos! Self-doubt can harm you! Stop doing it!”

“And how can I do that?” he asked.

“Who doubted you in your family?” the Teacher asked.

Christos remembered the betrayal when Iulia put him in isolation(Ch. 25).

“How do you expect the others to open to you, if you don’t open up first? We have already said that, don’t wait for them to call you, take initiative and call them first! You deserve it!”

“I deserve it,” Christos repeated and like a switch that turned inside of him, his body filled up with energy.

“Good then!” the Teacher said. “Will you go out tonight?”

“Yes, the whole camp will go to a nightclub!”

“What? Nightclub you said? Go on then, put your best clothes and join them!”

By taking initiative and joining their company, to his surprise, the girls appeared glad that he did so.

Later they went out at a nightclub and there the atmosphere was so great that everybody danced, even Christos, for the first time being so liberated. “I’ll make it!’ he said to himself, and suddenly found himself dancing with a girl.

On the one hand, the girl acted a bit provocatively and on the other hand Christos having a few drinks more than usual, he brought her close to him and kissed her.

The girl accepted that, and then they continued dancing. When they got tired, they sat on a bench to talk.

Christos aimed to take the girl with him in his tent, but being in a state of hypertension from the success he had, he didn’t propose it and the girl became bored the returned to the club.

“What?” the Teacher asked astonished the next day when Christos narrated the event. “You didn’t do anything else? Oh boy!!”

“I don’t know what happened to me!” Christos said. “I got so nervous when I succeeded in kissing her and then I didn’t know what to do!”

“How about, let’s go to my tent?”

“That sounds nice!”

The Teacher laughed. “It’s okay,” he said, “that was as well progress!”

“Indeed,” Christos said, “that was the first time I kissed a girl!”

“And it seems you settled with that!” the Teacher noted. “Try it again then, and don’t settle just with kisses!”

During the rest of the camping however, Christos didn’t succeed with girls, because most of those he knew, found boyfriends.

“You were late,” the Teacher said, “in these kind of situations, it is good to act fast! Make your move immediately and without hesitation, because the other guys are hungry as well and each one wants his share!”

The camping ended, and despite all this, Christos became satisfied with his progress. He achieved something, no matter how little.

“That’s how everyone learns,” the Teacher stressed, “small steps, one at a time and with appropriate encouragement!”

“I don’t know now if I’ll find a girlfriend before the army!” Christos said worried.

“Keep trying Christos,” the Teacher urged, “nothing is over yet!”

At his return to Thessaloniki, Christos continued hanging out with Artemis, who as usual was friendly with him. They went out to a nightclub and Artemis again approached a girl and she responded well. He did it so naturally, that Christos couldn’t hold it anymore, and asked: “But what is your secret man?”

Artemis smiled and didn’t say anything.

Next day, Christos went to Artemis’ flat, but he appeared a bit more serious that day. “I think,” Artemis said, “that it’s time you entered the wonderful world of drugs!”

“What?” Christos asked surprised. “Why should I do that?”

“You asked what my secret was,” Artemis said, “well, that’s it.” Then, he reached his pocket and drew a plastic bag with green leaves inside, a species that Christos saw for the first time.

“What’s this?”

“Marijuana,” Artemis said, “want to try some?”

Feeling divided, Christos mind paradoxically went to the camping. He remembered that after becoming tipsy, under the influence of alcohol, he dared more with women and alcohol helped him achieve his first kiss.

“Of course,” he thought, “this is worse, a lot worse than alcohol!”

He remembered his efforts to cut his gaming addiction and also how much he suffered to get over that addiction. Now he would end up to a new one?

“Well,” Artemis asked, “will you try?”

The first thing that crossed Christos’ mind was to say no, but what if weed could make him even more daring so that he could find his first girlfriend? He felt undecided.

“Hmm,” he replied, “you know my friend, I’m not sure I want to try something like that. . . I wasn’t staying for long tonight anyway, I have already planned something else and they will be waiting for me by now!”

Appearing to be disappointed, Artemis said, “Alright then, I’d best not keep you here any longer. See you tomorrow then?”

“Yes, see you tomorrow!” said Christos and left in a haste.

The next day Christos called the Teacher to tell him what happened.

“Hmm,” the Teacher said in serious tone, “I think it is time for you to cut off from Artemis. From what it seems he showed you his female friends so that he could lure you to drugs and maybe he is a dealer himself!”

“Maybe,” Christos said, “but his manner, being always friendly. . .”

“He found your secret button and knew what you craved for; acceptance and women.”

A cold chill run through Christos’ spine.

“This is Artemis’ style,” the Teacher said, “it is very common for anti-authoritarian people to look for followers, you were destined for one as well!”

“But is it sure that he’s that kind of person?”

“Do you want to test him to see what he is made of?”

“Yes, why not?”

“What do you believe is the thing that you give to him, so that he becomes friendly to you?”

“I think that he is glad when I visit his flat and when I hang around with him and in general when I follow him he becomes friendly.”

“Are you going to his flat tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Tell him you won’t go, so we’ll see how he reacts if you don’t follow him!” the Teacher suggested.

“Okay, I’ll send him a message!”

Christos sent the message to Artemis telling him he couldn’t visit him the next days due to preparations for the army.

Artemis replied, “Oh, yeah? I think you should come here immediately! Right now!”

“I don’t believe he has ever visited your home in the past or knows where you live?” the Teacher asked.

Christos starting to fear with what he heard when he understood what the Teacher meant and replied, “Thankfully not!”

“Artemis is dangerous,” the Teacher said, “a person that wants to introduce you to drugs, is not possible to be truly friendly and accepting. He tried to trick you to take you by his side!”

“So, you were right with what you said!”

“I’m always right!” the Teacher stressed. “I am a god!”

“There he goes again,” Christos thought angrily. “Teacher, I’ve got something to say to you!”

“I’m listening!”

“It angers me to hear that you are a god and you are always right!”

“The fact that it angers you, means that it has to do with you, not with me!”

“But is it possible for a person to know it all? Socrates himself said he knew nothing!”

“Everything that is said from a teacher, Christos,” the Teacher said, “has a purpose!” He then continued, “Socrates said that he knew nothing for his own reasons, I imagine to change the way of thought of the youth of his age!”

“And why do you say you are always right?”

“Learn Christos,” the Teacher said, “that in general, people get angry with other people when, 1) They do something that we can’t do, 2) they do something that others have done to us in the past and that has created anger within us. This is the case of projections and finally, 3) they have a trait that we also have that we don’t like and makes us angry.”

“And what does that have to do with me?’ Christos asked.

“You said that you get angry when I say that I always have right and when I say that I am a god.”

“Yes,” Christos replied.

“How would you describe my behavior using only one word?”

“Absolute!”

“Which one of your two parents is absolute?”

“Both of them are,” Christos admitted, “they are so rigid in their beliefs that to even consider changing them is a waste of energy.”

“As you have very well understood, Christos,” the Teacher said, “a person that is absolute sets himself beyond defiance, while an authoritative person, can be defied. The authoritarian listens to others from time to time, the absolute has blinders and doesn’t listen to anybody!”

“That’s interesting to hear.”

“However,” the Teacher continued, “I believe that there is something else hidden in your anger!”

“What?” Christos asked curiously.

“It occurs that I do something that you cannot do!” the Teacher replied.

“Being absolute?”

“No, being very certain about myself and about the things I tell you! And for someone to be so sure about oneself, he or she mustn’t have any doubts!”

“Ahh!” Christos exclaimed, “Now everything is clear! So, since I doubt myself, I get angry with people that are very confident!”

“Absolute is your own interpretation of my behavior, Christos.”

“What, you’re telling me you’re not?”

“No, I’m not absolute, because I listen to what the other has to say. What happens with me, is that I am very sure about myself, due to my experience.”

“Indeed, you have been a counselor for many years. . . twenty-five you’ve told me?”

“Thirty with you included!”

“I think it is time I returned to Aleksandroupoli, to begin preparations for the army. . .”

“Good,” the Teacher said, “come to prepare, and to visit me so we can have our meetings!”

Upon returning to Aleksandroupoli, Christos visited the Teacher and began to gather necessary documents and supplies for the army.

“There are times that I don’t recognize myself anymore,” Christos told the Teacher one day. “Do you believe I have solved all my social problems now?”

“On the social part yes, I believe that your phobias have almost disappeared. You still have lack of experience in some areas of course, but you will cover it up in the army!”

“Oh yeah, good to mention that as well, only a few days remain before my service starts. . .”

“It is near the end of July now,” the Teacher said, “when exactly do you enter in August?”

“I enter on the 20th of August,” Christos huffed with discomfort. “Do you believe at least that I’m done with my existential fear?”

“What do you believe?” the Teacher asked, “have you overcome it?”

“Yes,” Christos replied, “I believe I have, because it is impossible to fear ridicule, if I don’t fear that I am ridiculous. And I know I am not, so I don’t fear whether I am or not, therefore I don’t attract ridicule towards me!”

“Bravo!” the Teacher said, “A+ to the student!” Then he continued, “Of course, here I must remind you something we’ve said about the existential fear in the past!”

“And what is that?” Christos asked.

“That the existential fear usually consists of different layers, likening to an onion. Usually, when a layer disappears, and for you that layer was ridicule, another fear pops up, the second layer.”

“Has the second layer made itself visible to me?”

“Now I don’t see something,” the Teacher said, “but if something is to be found, it will be found along the way!”

“Along the way I see tanks, rifles, camouflage uniforms. . . but not at all women!”

“That’s okay, you made your effort and reached a social peak, not a love one. You will reach your peak in the love part of your life, that is for sure if you keep up with that pace!”

“Yes, at least that gives me hope!”

***

A few more days passed and Christos made up his mind that he wouldn’t solve the love part of his life now. Nevertheless, on the other hand he thought that maybe he wasn’t ready for it. The whole interaction with the Teacher affected him extremely positively of course.

He became social, learned how to overcome his fear, learned how to interpret his emotions, earned experience in many different part and in general, he became a better person.

“I might never find a girlfriend. That is also a possibility,” he thought, having a tranquil mind and accepting what life would bring to him.

Two weeks remained before he entered the army, when his mobile phone received an unexpected SMS. Sent by a friend he didn’t see for a long time.

“How are things going, Christos? If you are in Aleksandroupoli let’s meet for a coffee. Maria.”

“Why not?” Christos thought, “I’ve got nothing to lose. . .”

They went out and the girl appeared friendly, just as usual. However, this time she often stirred the conversation towards sexual topics and to Christos that appeared weird.

“What?” the Teacher laughed, “you only talk about sex? You don’t do it?”

“I’m not attracted sexually by her!” Christos justified himself.

“Why, is something wrong with her?” the Teacher asked. “You have any photo of her so I can tell you what I think?”

He showed the Teacher a photo he had from his cell phone.

“But?!??” the Teacher said astonished, “she is just fine! She is hot!”

“I don’t feel like that when we are together!”

“What are you waiting for? That she will open her legs for you by herself? She waits for you to make your move, but you’re still afraid as you know the answer will be yes!”

“You mean that I found a girl faithful as a rock and I ignore her signals to verify rejection?”

“I couldn’t have put it more accurately!”

Going back home, Christos decided to give his best effort to make his move with her and it must have been about a week before entering the army, when they went out again.

A strange energy filled the atmosphere.

They started chatting about various topics, but it seemed that the conversation didn't lead anywhere. The girl slowly started to lose interest, looking indifferently around her.

Then Christos understood that he had to do something, if he wanted to stay in the game and with great fear, he placed his knee against hers.

The girl did not pull her knee away and didn’t look at him either, but the look in her eyes showed that her interest in him returned.

That gave Christos more courage and with a greater confidence, he started talking again, bringing the topic around sex.

Again, after a while Maria started losing interest again, this time more frustrated than before.

Christos’ fear returned this time steeper. He felt he would lose his chance.

“Physical contact,” the words of the Teacher sounded inside his head. Holding his fear hand to hand, Christos hugged the girl, who then turned and smiled at him.

His courage made a comeback and Christos wondered what his next move should be. He decided to converse again around sex.

“You can only talk about that?” the girl interrupted him, nearing the verge of indignation.

A silence followed where they looked at each other smiling and Christos knew that she wanted him to kiss her.

However, his fear wouldn’t leave and put up a lot of resistance, giving Christos shivers each time he attempted to make his move and kiss her.

Feeling flattered by his bewilderment and wanting to help him out, Maria bent her head a little closer to his.

At that moment, Christos thought about his fear of women and realized that this couldn’t go on. Only one thing remained to be done to solve this problem. He put his hand in his pocket and grabbed the quartz crystal, thinking, “Fear, I hold you in my hand!” Then, taking a life decision, he touched her lips with his and kissed her.

Christos’ tension completely left him and its place took joy and calmness.

The rest of the night was spent with kisses and caresses, but it didn’t stop there, they renewed their meetings many times, until, one day before Christos entered the army, they made love and began a relationship.

“You made it!” said the Teacher excited and joyful when he heard Christos’ news. “Until now you’ve never proved me wrong! Everything I’ve advised you to do you have done and you have succeeded. I don’t know later in the future what you’ll do, but until now, you’re doing great!”

“I don’t know what I would have done, if I hadn’t found you!”

“The result of our work is due to both of us: to you for your decisiveness and to me because I am a good teacher!”

“I completely agree!”

“You’ve finally reached your love peak and emotionally, you’re an adult! You flew, nothing can stop you now!”

“This is something I wanted to say to you Teacher, something I wanted to for a long time!”

“What?” the Teacher asked.

“I love you!” Christos said.

“I love you too!” the Teacher replied.

Having his morale uplifted and being integrated emotionally, Christos prepared himself for a new chapter in his life, that started with the beginning of his military service and the start of his new relationship.

He chose the path of tolerance with his family. He would be patient with them until he found a job and could be independent, since they also agreed to it. Since they didn’t want to change, he couldn’t do anything else anymore other than to continue his journey of self-growth.

After such a strong school of life, with his irrational fears overcome, we can say that Christos set all the necessary conditions to live a calm and happy life. On the work part of his life he hadn’t made up his mind yet, given that he didn’t know what he would do after the army. But, Christos knew that the army would help him sort out what he wanted to do.

“Will we continue our work while I’m inside the army?” Christos asked.

“Yes, of course!” the Teacher said, “whenever you want, call me so that we can find solutions to what bothers you! And know it yourself, self-growth never stops! Whenever there is need for self-growth and love, we will be there!”

THE END, AND NOT THE END.