Chapter 14: (v.2) Going out was supposed to be fun!

Christos' cousin, Manolis, also joined the group with his friend, Anastasia.

Christos liked Anastasia. The changes he made to his memories had made him somewhat calmer around girls because his fear was reduced. But he still felt substantial fear.

They sat in a coffee shop, near the city center.

Despite his fear, Christos tried to motivate himself to speak to impress Anastasia. In reality however, words were not coming out of his mouth. He observed what the others said, trying to keep up with the conversation so that he could say a joke at the right time.

Finally, he remembered an anecdote and shared it with the group. Even though he believed it wasn’t that good, Anastasia and Manolis chuckled.

At that moment, Michalis, who sat next to Christos, gave him a stern glance, followed by a light kick on his foot from under the table.

Interpreting this message as, “Stop saying bullshit!” Christos lost his voice. It emotionally shut him down, and he remained impassive while others conversed and laughed, while he, the useless one, had no place among them. An impulse to just get up and leave came, but he couldn’t even manage to do something that simple. He sat there, sometimes on the verge of crying, sometimes looking serious, sometimes pretending to be laughing with their jokes but not caring, since they hadn’t even noticed his condition. Finally his torture came to an end, they left and went home, where he fell in bed wishing to never wake up again.

***

Next morning came and his condition remained the same. Desperately, he called the Teacher.

“How have you been today?” the voice of the Teacher almost sounded melodic. “Any news?”

“Can we arrange another meeting?” asked Christos, his voice barely audible.

“Something must have happened again, he sounds troubled,” the Teacher thought and then said, “Of course! When do you want to come?”

“Can we meet now?”

“Yes! Come, I will be waiting!”

Christos took a taxi and went to Teacher's house.

“Well look who’s here!” the Teacher said. “You look horrible! What happened again?”

Christos narrated last night's events to the Teacher.

“I see your brother's heart is made of gold!” the Teacher said.

“What do you mean?” asked Christos a bit offended. In his head, the words of his father came, “You should trust your brother! He is a good person!”

“What your brother did was try to shut you down, so you wouldn’t be lively in the company!”

“But is it possible for a brother to do that to a brother?” asked Christos astonished. “You must be joking!”

"Yes, it is possible!” the Teacher stressed. “You yourself proved it by describing what your brother did to you. Probably he did this to keep you at a low level so that he could get the girl's attention.”

That never crossed Christos’ mind before and by becoming aware of his brother's possible motivation, he began to change attitude towards him. Instead of defending Michalis, he became angry with him. “But why would he give me such a stern look?” Christos asked. “I didn’t do anything to him!”

“He became threatened with your unexpected behavior,” the Teacher said. “Many years ago, you and your brother signed an informal contract!”

“And what is that?”

"I will smack you on the neck, and you will accept it!”

Christos became enraged with his brother. He remembered that just a few days ago when they returned from the forest, that Michalis laughed mockingly with him and that he reported in detail what had happened to their parents. He also remembered the memory where Michalis became a snitch when Christos tried to visit his friend in secret (Ch. 8).

As if he read his mind, the Teacher said, “Your brother can sell you without second thought! As it looks, he has also submitted to your mom's rule so he will do anything she says!”

At that moment, Christos’ anger turned into sadness. His brother who always gave advice on hard times? “Yes,” he thought again, “this is how things are,” and by realizing this, the anger returned fiercer. “What will happen if I tear apart this contract?” he asked the Teacher.

“You should expect a reaction from Michalis but you should also know that if you insist he will become so confused that he will lose the ground beneath his feet! For so many years he held you right into his hand, and he made sure it would stay that way, from what you described to me! He is not used in seeing you retaliate!”

Again, Christos became sad. “I wished for things to be good between us!” he said.

“Of course you do!” the Teacher said. “Nevertheless, until now, the reason you are not doing well is not due to you or Michalis!”

“Who is responsible then?”

“Your parents!”

“But how?” asked Christos surprised.

“Yes Christos,” the Teacher said. “When the parent have a bad relationship, then their children have a bad relationship too! When the parents get along well, so do the children! This is the rule of thumb!”

“You mean that our parents don’t get along well?”

“Of course they don’t! How many times has your father taken your mother out? How many times have they done activities together?”

“Too few!”

“See?” the Teacher said. “If the also get along well!”

Christos understood what the Teacher meant with the terms leaders and seconds in command. Clearly, leaders meant parents and seconds in command meant children. The concept appealed to him and he considered talking with the Teacher about that topic again in the future. “How should I deal with Michalis now?” he asked eventually.

“First of all, let’s see what is the picture you have for Michalis!” the Teacher replied and taking a blank page from the office drawer, he gave it Christos. He then said, “You know what to do!”

Christos began writing memories that came to mind. The first one he remembered was the following:

Around eight years of age, he studied in the room they shared with Michalis.

Michalis entered the room and asked Christos politely, “Would you like to switch the English class tomorrow?”

Their parents had arranged English lessons for them: Michalis at four o’clock and Christos at five. Their English teacher told them that she didn’t mind who would come first, as in her mind, she afforded two hours in total for both of them.

“No,” Christos replied. He preferred to have the class later so he could prepare himself better. “I don’t want to.”

Michalis said in an angry tone, “What did you say?” he shouted. “We will switch! I am the older one!”

“I said I don’t want to!” Christos persisted coldly.

“If you don’t do it,” Michalis said, “I will torture you!”

Michalis used to punish Christos when they were at a younger age. The punishment included mostly physical violence.

Fearing for the punishment of being unprepared for the lesson more than the punishment of Michalis, Christos said, “Now I am eight and you are eleven.”

Not understanding the train of thought of Christos, Michalis asked with a mocking tone in his voice, “So what?”

“There is a big difference between the age of eight and eleven. Now you are stronger, but when I become eighteen and you twenty one, you will not be as strong. Then you will see!” Christos replied and his voice sounded threatening.

Michalis left the room angrily. “Stupid fool! Idiot!” his swearing could be heard in the corridor.

Christos felt justification, but also humiliated from Michalis’ words.

“Here you reacted well,” said the Teacher seriously. “Whenever you try to defend yourself, you should draw courage from memories such as this one!”

“I would really like it if he didn’t speak to me like that!” Christos said, as the words, stupid, fool, and idiot made him remember last night's events.

“Christos,” the Teacher said softly, “there is always competition between siblings, in some families more in others less! Michalis tries to impose himself to you, so that you won’t surpass him! He wants as well to be always number one and your presence in the house threatens his goal!”

“You are right!” Christos admitted. “Even though we talked so much, I am still not calm!”

“Then maybe we should make a registration change to the memory,” said the Teacher. “That should help.”

Changing registration, Christos again stood his ground and did not switch classes with Michalis. Then, when Michalis started calling him names, Christos thought that Michalis did this because of his insecurity. So Christos didn’t mind him and he felt calm. He described the experience to the Teacher.

“Very nice! That is a good change!” the Teacher said. “Any other memories coming to mind?”

Christos remembered one more memory:

Again in primary school, Christos sat and watched television in his parents’ room.

The channel Christos watched broadcasted only static and he waited it to be fixed, as it would play a film he wanted to see.

Then Michalis entered the room, took the remote control, sat in a chair, and changed the channel.

“Hey!” Christos shouted. “Put it back!”

“But it doesn’t show anything!” Michalis angrily shot back.

“Come oooonn!!” Christos yelled furious.

Iulia's footsteps could be heard through the corridor. “Michalis, let Christos watch TV!”

“BUT IT’S ONLY STATIC!” shouted louder Michalis.

“Shut up!” Iulia said. “Let him be!” and then she grabbed Michalis by the arm. “You should respect the wishes of others, whatever those wishes are!” she said to Michalis as she dragged him to the living room.

Christos felt relieved.

“Your mother must have intervened between you and your brother on other occasions, hasn't she?” the Teacher said.

“Yes, but is that a bad thing?” Christos asked.

“Yes,” the Teacher replied, “because this must be an additional reason you have a bad relationship with your brother!”

“Could that be because Michalis thinks that mother always takes my side?” Christos asked impulsively.

“Not at all impossible!” said the Teacher.

“How can I solve my problems with him?”

“With communication!” said the Teacher. “But first we must change the registration!”

“Good,” Christos, “I imagine. . .”

“From inside,” the Teacher said.

“Okay!” Christos agreed and imagined that he tried to prevent his mother from taking Michalis away.

However, his image of his mother remained that of a violent and authoritative woman. He visualized himself using physical violence against her and winning.

The registration change did not finish there, because Christos had to face his brother.

Then suddenly, Christos’ imagination faltered, as he realized that, despite being twenty-six and his brother twenty-nine, he had never shown his brother what he meant when he threatened him before the English lesson.

Feeling a desire to return home and confront his brother, Christos said, “Maybe it's time for me to go!”

The Teacher looked puzzled. “Are you sure okay?” he asked Christos.

“Yes, I think so!” he replied.

“He is hiding something,” the Teacher thought, “but he doesn’t want to share it! So be it, when he is ready he will speak about it himself!” Then the Teacher said, “Okay then, since you want it that way, it shall be done!” and after giving him a warm hug, he called a taxi to take him home.