Chapter 5 – Laying the Groundwork

In order to begin living a more orderly life, we have to understand the core principles that form the foundation.  Planning (making a schedule) and discipline (sticking to the schedule) are fundamental ingredients of an orderly life. However, it is also true that they are simply external aspects of the goal. In addition, obedience to the rules of society are also fundamental, but can be found in many who have no genuine devotion to societal and natural order. The most common example is found in those who are timid. Many of us, perhaps most of us, obey the rules simply to avoid being censured or penalized. While there is nothing wrong with that motive, it must be distinguished from the devotion and discipline required of true followers of order. These begin with virtues and attitudes arising from the human spirit. A life lived in true union with the natural order and devotion to the social order must be reflected in both the exterior and interior of the person.

I believe the first and most fundamental trait of a true order mage is a healthy and mature self-awareness. I had at first thought to cite humility, but that word is sadly fraught with negative connotations that do not apply here. A key insight into the natural order is that all things, and all beings in this Universe have their proper place. A fish cannot live long out of water, a bird cannot live long within it. A star may not descend to Earth (not without apocalyptic effect). A tree does not move from place to place. We, too, have our places on this planet and within society. Leaders who recognize themselves to be public servants do not attempt to reshape society in order to cater to their pride. That is the moral failing of dictators, and the wars that they instigate are catastrophic results of their own vanity. On a lesser scale, anyone in authority, however minimal, can succumb to the temptation to lord it over those “beneath” them.

This egotism is somewhat distinct from the passionate ambition that can often be found in the athletic world, and at times in the professions. The drive to be the best at what one does, or, less maturely, to be seen as the best, can be a dangerous virtue indeed. On the one hand lies such altruistic ambitions as racing to cure a disease or catch a serial killer. Hat’s off to the unsung heroes whose combined labors produced vaccines for Covid 19 in record time! At the other extreme, however, can be found athletes, movie stars and professionals of all stripes who crave top recognition rooted in their own trauma and insecurities. Tragedies can occur when they fail to reach their goals, and at times even when they do! Consider the implications as well. When driven persons exhibit the belief that they must become “the best” in order to have self-worth, what are they saying about everyone else?

True devotees of order, however, need no such praise. To have a job, a family, community ties and the chance to contribute to the larger good of society is a truly good fortune all by itself. There is a proverb: “to have little with contentment is great gain.” This is no credo for losers. To be truly content is to be a winner by definition! Thus, it is quite nearly true to say that mediocrity is a virtue, if by it one refers to the freedom to be ordinary without needing recognition. However, a devotee of order may well pursue excellent quality with one’s work. The ideal here is that this motive is grounded in the love of the work itself, or of those who benefit from the work.  

It is a matter of religious doctrine, rooted in the Book of Genesis, that all things were created good and have inherent worth. There is no implication in the scripture that a star is “better” than a sparrow, whether because it is larger, brighter or longer lasting. Jesus was quoted as saying that God watches over each sparrow, and none dies without divine consent.[1] Likewise, there are all sorts of people. In the order of the Universe, there is no basis to call one person more valuable than another. The need to be taller, or stronger, or prettier is based on a disordered view of human nature. I don’t mean to imply criticism by saying this. The impulse or wish to better oneself is a very human emotion, but in the grand picture, the valuation of persons according to attributes is superficial and immature. We each have our place in society, the Earth and the Universe. It belongs to us and we to it. Where our ultimate worth is concerned, all humans are indeed created equal.

An objective might be raised here. One might wish to ask, is not a physician of greater worth than a librarian because the doctor saves lives? And is not a librarian of greater value than a felon? And is not a felon of greater value than a lawyer? Just kidding on the last one. These sentiments are natural but they constitute a flaw in logic. We value physicians more highly than librarians, certainly where salaries are concerned, because of the value we place on the other lives saved. It is not true that the physician has greater value as a person than the librarian or the felon. It is the work itself, or the crime, in the case of the felon, that has varying degrees of positive or negative worth.

This is not to dismiss our opportunities for higher education or career advancement! These enable us to better contribute to society and to lead more fulfilling lives. However, my point is that whether educated and ranked or not, each of us belongs here as long as we live and our value as persons is unchanging. I don’t believe that I could emphasize this enough. Without self-acceptance, an orderly life may well be impossible. A healthy self-image leads to peace which opens the door to balanced, contented life. If you are like me (and most of us), you struggle with this. Although I am not a mental health professional, I have done some extensive work in this area over the years.

With that in mind, I have composed a meditation in the second appendix to this book which you may find helpful. It is a summation of my own experiences with self-acceptance over the course of my lifetime. I hope that you will take a look. Beyond that, if you need professional or spiritual help, I urge you to obtain it. Self-loathing, guilt or shame can drive us to terrible extremes. As you move deeper into self-acceptance, you will become free of the crippling beliefs that you must achieve something, learn something, acquire something or earn something to gain your rightful place in life. You have it now, you have always had it and you will always have it. From this place of “rightness,” you can move forward with a peace and stability you might not have known before. You can now serve, contribute, learn, gain and grow for the sheer joy of doing so!

Moving along, another fundamental trait to the Order follower is moderation. Avoiding extremes in food, drink and activities is a strong ingredient for health. Moderation may look different to different persons, so let us start the discussion by observing the opposite. At the other end of the spectrum I would place addiction. We have all heard the stories of drug and alcohol addiction: fatal car accidents which often kill bystanders as well as the addict, fatal overdoses and drug-induced domestic and street violence. According to the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation, in 2019 approximately 2.6 million arrests nationally, or about 25% of felony or misdemeanor charges were made for drug abuse violations, or driving under the influence of alcohol.[2]

Unfortunately, there does not seem to be one specific reason why some people develop addictions to drugs. Here is a concise statement from the National Institutes for Health:

Addiction is a chronic disease characterized by drug seeking and use that is compulsive, or difficult to control, despite harmful consequences. The initial decision to take drugs is voluntary for most people, but repeated drug use can lead to brain changes that challenge an addicted person’s self-control and interfere with their ability to resist intense urges to take drugs. These brain changes can be persistent, which is why drug addiction is considered a "relapsing" disease—people in recovery from drug use disorders are at increased risk for returning to drug use even after years of not taking the drug.[3]

It would be so convenient if there were a single root cause to drug or alcohol addiction. We’d all be able to take steps to protect ourselves and our loved ones from the risk. If you struggle with addiction, or have a loved one who does, then the logical approach, it seems, is a holistic one. Professional care and treatment is, of course, the first step. Beyond that is to take whatever steps practical to maximize the person’s prospects of a stable, happy drug-free life. The recovering addict needs to have hope, of course, in order to be able to remain clean.

I maintain that a holistic approach to a human problem will incorporate spirituality according to the individual’s belief. The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous include the reliance upon a Higher Power to make it possible for the addict to find and maintain freedom. Many Christians believe that a personal encounter with Christ will make freedom possible. It is also widely believed that addiction has roots in spiritual bondage, either to actual dark forces or to the negative beliefs and attitudes which we create for ourselves. In all these cases, spiritual guidance and processes are available to assist the addict toward freedom. Therefore, I encourage those struggling with addiction and those who care for them to seek the Light freely for their healing, freedom and growth.

What we have considered to this point is commonly referred to as chemical addiction. I learned in psychology class that there is also what is commonly called psychological addiction. In this category we find compulsive gambling, eating (or fasting), workaholism, sexual activities and pornography, and probably many categories not so well known. I do not find fault with any of the above-listed activities here, only with the problems and conflicts that the addictions can cause. Although trying to come up with an aggregate incidence of psychological addiction may be a futile gesture, we can assume that it is quite common. One study alone estimated the rate of problem gambling to be “1.6 percent of the adult population.”[4] That would be one out of every sixty-three. Other studies suggest that up to 13% of adolescent girls and perhaps a third as many boys suffer from some form of eating disorder.[5] And while the problems associated with pornography use are more difficult to quantify, it is obviously widespread among adolescent and adult males, and not unheard of among females. Suffice it to say that psychological addiction of some form or another affects a large percentage of adults at some point in our lives.

I have found over the years that my own skirmishes with psychological addiction have often come in response to having a problem I could not solve. In a word, addictive behaviors were, or began as, pleasant distractions. A conflicted relationship, a stressful job, an incorrigible neighbor or even religious angst has driven me at times into compulsive activities simply to dull the pain. What I actually needed at those times was either the courage to take corrective action, or a change in attitude, or both. Based on the psych courses I took in college, as well as my experiences over the years in getting support for myself and others, I can summarize the most commonly used strategies for breaking free of psychological addictions and habits.

In every case, and for every person, healthy habits overall are very important. Eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep and regular exercise are crucial both for overall mental and physical health as well as setting the stage to break an unhealthy dependency. The healthier you are, the less of an impact stress will have on you, and the less gasoline is being thrown on the fire of an addiction. This may involve adjusting your schedule. Being too busy – or ironically, not busy enough – introduces stressors that you are simply better off without. The lack of enough physical activity can lead to a wide range of medical problems.[6] In addition, studies have shown a clear correlation between inactivity and depression.[7] It seems to be self-evident that a busy individual has less time to deal with addictive urges than one who is idle. Also, a healthy diet and adequate sleep are vital to maintain one’s energy level, and improving your body chemistry may reduce unwanted urges.

Social support can be a great help in this battle. Even if you do not want to tell your friends or family about the issue itself, simply interacting with your support circle of significant others can benefit you. Loneliness is one of the major triggers of addictive behavior, so plan to get out of your shell at least a couple times a week. In addition, a targeted support group like Gamblers’ Anonymous can, literally, be a life saver.

I maintain that we are spiritual beings, so please never overlook the value of spiritual support. A pastor, guru, mentor or elder who shares your beliefs can provide both counsel and ministry in whatever format you are most comfortable. In my case, as a Christian, I found that deliverance ministry, in a format that was completely gentle and respectful, helped me turn corners I might not have otherwise. If you have no formalized religion, you might avail yourself of a life coach. This “para-profession” has gained in numbers and popularity in recent decades and it is likely there are several available near you.

Behavioral therapy is something you can do at home. The central premise of this type of treatment is to set up a system of rewards for the completion of desired behaviors, or for the avoidance of undesired behaviors. The rewards can take almost any legal form which does not include the behavior to be avoided. For example, don’t plan to give an outing to an ice cream parlor to someone trying to lose weight, or a visit to the casino as a reward for spending a month away from it! Otherwise, a favorite food, a massage, a long-coveted article of clothing from the store, a movie, a walk in the woods and a hot bath are all candidates for behavior therapy rewards. Successful behavioral therapy dictates that the goals be achievable and significant, such as five days without the undesired behavior. Skipping the habit for an hour will not accomplish anything, whereas swearing it off for the rest of one’s life will make the reward (upon completion) a bit difficult to enjoy!

Cognitive therapy, however, is best pursued with a trained professional. A cognitive therapist will help you explore your assumptions about your addictive behavior and your ability to control it, as well as your view of yourself, the people around you, and what life will be like on the other side of this behavior. Too often it is our own beliefs and assumptions which hold us prisoner, and a therapist can be well worth the time and expense in helping us find the keys. The best thing about all the preceding options is that none of them precludes the others. You’ll find the best results and the greatest satisfactions come from using them all together. In other words, take care of your body, your mind, your heart and your spirit at the same time. If you do, I suspect that you or your loved one will find that freedom is not too far away.

In general, I have found that it is best to focus on the positive rather than the negative picture. With that in mind, let us look at the picture of healthy moderation in its fullness and move toward embracing it. As we have all heard ad nauseum, a proper balance of healthy meals, avoiding smoking, moderation in snacks and alcohol, daily exercise and a good night’s sleep are essential for health. At my age, I can well attest to the truth of this statement. Here in the U.S., though, this is no small order. Healthy foods are often more expensive than the chemical-ridden junk foods. Gym membership is prohibitively expensive for many of us. Alcohol and even tobacco are still matters of peer-pressure in many circles, and noisy neighbors or housemates can make a good night’s sleep something to dream about.

There is more, however, to orderly living than healthy living. Being productive, using your gifts, supporting yourself and maybe others, upholding the laws and rules of good conduct, and taking time to connect spiritually with the Universe and your Higher Power are all facets of truly balanced and orderly living. In this last category fall meditation and/or prayer. I myself have been recently getting up a half hour earlier than I used to so that I can make time for both my stretching and my spiritual meditation. Getting this quiet start to the day has been very beneficial. Not to mention my faith in the supernatural blessing I believe that I send out. I’m glad to say that the rest of my day goes more smoothly with the morning quiet time in place.