Chapter 3: Chapter Three

Over the next few weeks, Elaine settled into wilderness living. She hadn't been quite prepared for the unending stream of essential tasks. But her determination outweighed any intimidation. From dawn until dusk, she tackled each one and the list became manageable.

Each evening, she collapsed into her bed, exhausted but more satisfied than she could remember. Honest work was infinitely better any day than laying under random men. A bed hadn't felt so good for such an innocent purpose.

However, there was a gray shadow growing longer across these sunny days.

While the daylight hours were profitable, nights were much harder. When darkness fell over the farm, haunting loneliness settled over Elaine's heart. In her disastrous childhood, her family had crowded together in a one-room shack. Thereafter, brothels had been filled with drunken men and giggling prostitutes.

In this vast wilderness bordered by snowcapped mountains, she was alone and uneasy within the complete silence. Worries about survival drummed in her ears, rising with the sun and setting in the west. The cabin was so empty and somber, at times it felt like a tomb. Not even a clock could be heard merrily ticking the minutes away.

What she wouldn't give now to have Dolly prattling away constantly. Another soul sharing her life and hardships would ease the burden. She dared to pray each day for this wish to be granted. Beyond that, she resigned herself to being patient.

On a cloudy morning, she finished the breakfast dishes and put them away. Standing by the kitchen table, she gazed out the window towards the mountains. The cold beauty struck a warmth through her soul. The snowy peaks rose proud against the sky, protecting her farm from high winds and severe storms.

Beckoned by the scene, she stepped out onto the porch and took a seat in the rocking chair. A light breeze caressed her cheeks, teasing strands of amber hair free from her tidy bun. She closed her eyes, listening to nature's voice. Rain was fast approaching across the valley. A light, refreshing shower to dampen her garden. She could feel the change in the air, as if the growing things were preparing for their nourishment.

She opened her eyes and gave out a long sigh. “Well, lazy girl, enough of this. You must get off your butt and get some work done before the day has been completely wiled away.”

Forcing herself up, Elaine walked across the barnyard to tend the gray gelding and tan milk cow, named Mercury and Doe, respectively. Grain was meted out in a careful fashion and fresh water was provided from the well. Once the animals had finished chowing, she let them outside into the paddock. With a happy nicker, Mercury dropped and rolled in the lush grass while Doe wandered off toward the fence, no doubt in search of solitude from her equine companion.

Humming a jingle, Elaine mucked the stalls, tossing shovelfuls of foul straw outside each door. Afterward, she climbed a rickety ladder into the hayloft. The straw pile up there was old and stale but still usable for bedding. She tossed a sufficient amount into the aisle and climbed back down to finish up.

Once the barn had been tidied, she decided to organize the farmhand's quarters. Littered with broken whiskey bottles, animal droppings and moldy tack, the abandoned room was far from inhabitable. She wanted a safe place to retreat in case of emergency and was pleased to find a sturdy cot frame underneath the rubbish. An old saddle and several rotting bridles were set aside for burning. Once she had organized the rest and swept up the glass shards, the room looked ready for living.

By this time, the sun had climbed to its midday position.

Dusty and sporting more than one cobweb in her hair, Elaine made for the cabin to get some lunch. Hoofbeats reached her ears. She turned to gaze up the dirt road. A wagon approached, driven by a woman. The two brown horses trotted into the barnyard and were halted by the cabin.

Elaine walked up, nervously wiping her soiled hands on her skirt. “Good day, madam. May I help you?”

The somber, gray-haired woman wore a plain black dress and bonnet. Under a dark veil, she possessed a face which seemed agreeable at first but was offset by a pair of narrow, judgmental eyes. These looked Elaine up and down before she spoke.

"Good afternoon, Mrs Bower. I am the Widow Florence London. I own the large ranch to the south of here. The second trail up the road is mine.”

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. London. I...uh...apologize for the state I'm in. You see, I was seeing to a few chores...”

"Yes, well, you've only just arrived. Plenty of time to keep a more civilized appearance later on.”

Elaine was taken aback but managed a smile. “Won't you come inside for a cup of coffee or perhaps a sandwich? I was about to fix lunch.”

"Oh, good heavens, no, but thank you for the invitation. I have a million chores to tend to back at the ranch.” The widow motioned to the back of her buckboard. “I brought some things along to welcome you to the area. It will be good to have a pure, respectable, likeminded woman about these parts. The man who lived here before was a disagreeable sort with deplorable morals. I suspect he drank the day away by the look of this place.”

"Really? I met him only once but he seemed like a good man.”

Mrs London snorted delicately and lifted her nose. “I wouldn't be so quick to accept every sort. Some people are degenerates who live only for leisure.”

Gritting her teeth, Elaine changed the subject. “Thank you for bringing provisions for me. They will help very much.”

"I brought something else too. Look in the fruit crate.”

Elaine walked around the buckboard as she had been told. Curious, she couldn't believe her eyes when a puppy was brought into view. A soft, golden furball with white around its tiny muzzle. She had never seen such a cute animal. With a delighted squeal, she took it into her hands and cuddled the small creature against her throat.

"Oh, thank you so much, Mrs. London! What a sweet little dog.”

The widow smiled at last. “Being a lone woman out here in the wilderness too, I thought you might like a watchdog to keep you company.”

The puppy squirmed and cooed, licking Elaine's chin.

"But are you sure that you can spare this little darling?”

"Quite sure, you are doing me a service actually. I have a bitch at home that had five puppies. This little tike is the smallest and was getting picked on by the others. I thought he would be fed better if you were caring for him.”

"I assure you, he will be well cared for.”

"Very good. Well, I must be drive back home if you'd be so kind as to take that gunny sack with you. It's filled with a few root vegetables. There's bread and a crock of fresh butter too.”

"Your kindness is much appreciated. It's been a bit lonely these past couple weeks and it does me good to know you are a stone's throw away.”

"Yes, I must have you over for a cup of tea soon so we may get more acquainted. Good day, Mrs Bower.”

Elaine stepped back, still holding the puppy close. “And to you. Have a safe drive back home.”

Watching the wagon rumble away, Elaine frowned until the puppy squirmed and distracted her. She smiled, kissing its fuzzy head. It wiggled happily and licked her face. Though Mrs London was rather harsh, blessings came with many faces.

She stooped and set the puppy on the ground. “Well, what do you think, sweetheart? This will be your new home.”

She laughed, watching him teeter and tot on unsteady legs.

While he urinated, she picked up the sack. Since the icehouse couldn't be stocked with ice until winter, any milk, cheese and butter were kept down in the cool well. Hauling up the storage bucket, she slipped the butter crock in with the rest. A milk bottle was set aside for the puppy before she lowered the bucket back into the black, cool abyss below.

A whimper caught her attention. Her new charge had tottered up the stairs and was now pawing at the cabin door. She laughed and hurried onto the porch. Another soul with which to share her solitude would be a most welcome addition. Picking up the tiny creature, she carried him into the bedroom and provided a bowlful of milk.

Near bedtime that evening, she lowered the crossbar over the front door and banked the fireplace. The uneasy silence fell once more but this time there was someone needing her. A heartbeat to preserve.

She changed into a nightgown and snuggled down in bed, the puppy within her arms. He cooed and yawned, fighting off inevitable slumber. Listening to the crickets buzzing outside in the meadows, she knew what to name him.

"You are such a sweet, cheerful soul, aren't you? I think I'll call you Cricket. Mmh? How does that sound?”

Pulling the quilt tighter about her shoulders, she hugged Cricket close but lay awake for some while. Her thoughts turned to the future and what was held there. A husband was her dearest wish but what man would take her? She was honestly unashamed to have been a prostitute. Her father had sold her into the worst kind of slavery and she had simply done what was needed to see another dawn.

She would never apologize for surviving, even if at the cost of her dignity.

Despite this impediment, she refused to accept just any man to call her own. Dozens if not hundreds of men had savored her sexual delights while providing not an ounce of love in return. Only a man who could seduce her heart first would be permitted entrance. Such a person couldn't possibly exist for her within this world.

Tears moistened her cheeks and fell upon the puppy sleeping in her arms. Sobs shook her body. Grief consumed reality. Her destiny seemed bleak, lonely, empty and lifeless. Her life would be spent in silence among the crowds. If only a single, exquisite voice would pierce the din and save her spirit from death.

Such a man...would have to be a kind, loving angel to overlook her background.

* * * * *

Three months later, the afternoon of the church social and dance arrived. Elaine had high hopes for the day. She had brought a few elegant gowns out west but hadn't seen a chance to wear them before now. A simple blue dress was chosen, trimmed in pink ribbon. The full skirt would make riding to town easier. She pinned her amber hair, allowing a few soft waves to tumble to her shoulders.

Butterflies flitted in her stomach at the thought of mingling with normal people. The ride into town seemed shorter than usual. Mercury tossed his head impatiently, wishing to be given freedom. She held him back to give herself time to think.

Jim Hawkins met her at the church, holding the horse so she could slide off.

"I'm glad you could make it, Mrs Bower.”

"Nice to be here, Jim.”

With a goofy grin, he offered his arm to her. “May I show you around?”

"Thank you. I'd appreciate that very much,” she said with a smile.

Under shade trees, tables had been set up outside the small, white church. Savory dishes, baked goods and red punch were on display, their scents making her mouth water. The church service music was more enjoyable than she had anticipated but the pastor's sermon about female purity cut deep. She resented being lectured with such biased, ignorant remarks.

Her discomfort was not improved when a group of elderly ladies cornered her at the buffet table. Curious and ferocious in their opinions, the old gossips inquired about her past life and “her late husband” whom did not even exist. Jim rescued her at length and they went back into the church for dancing.

The pews had been cleared away by the men and the floor was already filling with couples. Elaine felt her spirit lighten as the band struck up a lively tune. However, Jim proved to be a clumsy partner. By the time two dances had come and gone, her toes were sore. She sat down to rest and sip punch while he began babbling about his work.

Elaine forced a smile behind her delicate glass cup, trying to act interested in his anecdotes.

She glanced around the dance hall and observed many other couples twirling around in one another's arms. Jim's voice continued to drone in the background. For an hour, she listened to horse training difficulties and the burdens one faced in breeding quality foals. She liked horses but didn't care how they were tamed and cared even less how to tell a horse's health through its dung.

Just when she was about to leave for home, a dark man caught her eye from across the floor. He was handsome in a sharp way. He inclined his head towards her with a sly grin. She averted her eyes, pretending to be chaste and shy. In time, two black boots appeared in her vision and a masculine hand reached out.

"Jonathan Tanner. Will you dance with me?” he asked with a southern drawl.

"Thank you, I would be delighted. Excuse me just for a moment, Jim.”

"But I thought we were going to dance together,” the boy protested, glaring at the newcomer.

"I promise, we will dance once more before I must leave.”

The dark stranger whisked her into a smooth waltz. “I thought you needed saving. Your companion is a very talkative fellow, isn't he?”

She smiled, rolling her eyes. “Jim is a sweet boy. He doesn't know any better.”

"Hardly man enough for you though, Elaine.”

"How do you know my name, sir?”

"Don't you remember?” he asked, twirling her around into a deep dip. “I came out west to seek my fortune. When I saw you tonight, I couldn't believe my luck.”

She broke from his grasp, aghast at his statement. “W...what? I've never met you before in my life.”

The man chuckled harshly, pulling her against himself. “Oh really? You forget quickly, my dear. We spent three days and nights together last year at Julia's Palace. Why don't we get out of here? I'd like sampling your delights again.”

"I am making a new life here. Let me go.”

Anger raised his voice. “You'll do what I say. You're just a whore and always will be.”

"How dare you!”

Drawing back, she slapped him sharply. The sound echoed within the small church and all heads turned toward them. The band had quit playing. Humiliated and distraught, Elaine fled the scene and ran through the murmuring crowd to get outside. Sobs tore through her body. She shook, her hands fumbling with Mercury's reins.

Jim ran up just as she climbed into the saddle. “Mrs Bower, what happened in there? Please, don't go. Let me help ya somehow.”

"No, no, you can't! I'm a lost cause,” Elaine cried, “I thought I could start fresh but that man found me anyway. Anywhere I go, those horrible men will find me. You better stay away from me, Jim. I'll only bring misery and disgrace on your head.”

"I don't understand, ma'am.”

"You will. That man will surely spread my shame around town for sure. I won't be welcome here ever again. Goodbye, Jim.”

Tears running down her cheeks, Elaine kicked the gelding into a gallop. She heard his voice calling after her but kept riding until Bodie was far behind on the horizon. Only then did she slow down to catch her breath. Mercury walked calmly along, sensing her anguish perhaps.

The sun was going down, painting the mountains with vivid colors.

She dismounted where first her eyes had seen this valley. Such beauty had turned sour now. The green landscape was like everything else in her life. Empty. Endless. Lonely. This night had been a foreboding testament to what injustice lay ahead. No one would accept her. At least not without successful lies to cover her past.

She refused to live such a charade.

Her feet moved of their own accord. She walked closer to the cliff's edge, beckoned by peaceful death. Tears streamed down her face though her eyes remained staring straight ahead. She took another step...then another. Dry wind stung her skin, icing her tears.

The drop would be quick and her end silent to the world's ears. No one had ever valued her for herself or extended lasting love. There wasn't anything to keep her alive. In the universe and among the stars, she was unwanted and not needed by a single living soul.