Island v2

Damon Nomad

It looks like you have the setup for an interesting story in this first chapter. I would suggest that, the dialog is a bit tedious in places, not really moving the story along. You give good descriptions of the characters, and the scenes, I think it would be better to move a little faster to your hook that something strange is going on, cut down on some of the background detail and get to where they are finding themselves, realizing you dont want to give away too much. Its a good start.

Archia

This reminds me of a murder mystery. The way each character is captured in their little seemingly inconsequential moment which gives that touch of insight into what they'll be like is very reminiscent of one. I reallt enjoyed seeing those little moments where the characters come out and I I imagine it will build up well in the story.
I'm curious as to what's going to happen because as the summary suggests Kazuki is going to die several times and it makes me wonder how he'll die first and also how Feofan is going to keep getting extra chances and whether she'll be able to do it. I have a lot of questions and it does feel like a little too many. I want to know things like what makes Kazuki so special and why does Feofan need to protect him and what's a pocket dimension. I think for a first chapter it's okay to leave things open and questionable, but I feel like the questions keep coming and I'm not sure if they'll be answered.
It was still really enjoyable first chapter and I think it's going to be very exciting. It will be interesting to see how the other characters will play their parts too, and I like that little hint that they might be used just to keep Kazuki alive. It's definitely going to be interesting.