Sign Here

I have about 300 autographs in my notebook. It’s cute. It says “Star Gazer” on the cover. I bought it at a dollar store a few months back. It cost a dollar. What a fantastic investment! About 20 more autographs and the book will be full. Then I can sell it online for a million dollars.

It’s amazing how many celebrities try to convince you they are not who they obviously are. They must teach that in film school. I don’t understand why they don’t just comply. It seems like their lives would be less stressful if they just sign when someone asks and not push the “I’m really not - whoever” narrative until they force you to get right up in their face and growl, “You are now going to sign my book you overpaid piece of dog mess.” It shouldn’t have to come to that.

I saw Ryan Reynolds at the train station yesterday. Here’s a pic I snapped of him. I couldn’t get his autograph because he didn’t get on my train, and I wasn’t going to ride a train to some unknown place for one autograph. I mean, I like collecting, but I’m not crazy.